How to support a child with a stammer

Although the speech problem can’t be cured there’s much parents can do to help children deal with it.

(Alamy/PA)

For people with a stammer, it can be hard to deal with, but it’s made worse by the fact that understanding of the condition amongst the general public is low.

The speech problem usually starts in childhood, between the ages of around two and five years old, affecting around 8% of children and 2% of adults – that’s more than 1.3 million people in the UK.

International Stammering Awareness Day (October 22) aims to destigmatise stammering and promote understanding and support for people who do have it, including advice for parents about how they can help affected children.

“There’s a lot of stigma around stammering in society – even from an early age, children may be teased or bullied, and adults may tell them to speak properly,” says Catherine Woolley, children and families programme lead at STAMMA  (the British Stammering Association).

“Children who stammer sometimes feel embarrassed or worried about their speech and try to hide it. They might start to speak less or change words they want to say to ones which are easier to produce.

“How you respond to your child can affect how they feel about their talking. It’s common for parents to worry about stammering, and if this is you, you can seek support to help you feel comfortable around your child’s stammering.”

Woolley points out that, contrary to popular belief, stammering isn’t caused by anxiety or stress, and there’s no evidence that people who stammer are less intelligent than fluent speakers.

“Research suggests stammering is neurological, which means there are subtle differences in the way the brains of people who stammer work,” she explains. “This means it belongs to the same group of neurodiverse conditions as ADHD, autism and dyslexia.”

The condition is often hereditary, with about 60% of people who stammer having another family member who stammers, and while there’s no specific cure, Woolley says there are many different techniques and approaches that can increase people’s fluency in certain situations, although they may not work for everyone.

“There isn’t one treatment which can miraculously make all people stop stammering,” she stresses. “Everyone’s stammer is unique, as is the way they want to manage their speech.”

But there’s no doubt, she says, that parents can help their children deal with stammering, and make them feel more comfortable.

1. Value your child’s stammered voice

“It’s simply the way they talk,” says Woolley. “What’s important is what they say and not the way they say it.”

2.  Be patient

Although it can obviously take more time for a child who stammers to say something, it’s important for parents and the rest of the family not to rush them.

“Give them time to say what they want, and model this to their siblings and other family members,” she adds.

3. Don’t finish their words or sentences

Woolley says that while it can be tempting to finish your child’s words or sentences for them, especially if you can see them struggling, it’s important to resist this urge to help.

“It can be disempowering and embarrassing if you speak over them,” explains Woolley, “not to mention frustrating if your guess is wrong and they have to start all over again.”

4, Slow down yourself

Rather than telling your child to speed up, slow down your own speech to reduce any time pressure they may feel.

5. Don’t show your own anxietyEven if you feel anxious when your child is stammering, try not to show it, advises Woolley, who suggests maintaining natural eye contact and remaining calm.

“It can be uncomfortable listening to someone who stammers, but think how they feel. Try and maintain eye contact even if you feel awkward, as looking away can make them feel awkward too, or think you’ve lost interest in what they’re saying. Keep looking at them and give the occasional encouraging head nod to show you’re interested.”

6. Try not to be negative

Woolley says it can be important to describe stammering using neutral language instead of negative references. So, for example, say, ‘He’s stammered more this week’, rather than, ‘His speech has been bad’.

7.  Seek help

Parents who are worried about their child’s talking or would like some help should contact their local NHS speech and language therapy department to talk through their concerns.

In addition, STAMMA offers free Parent2Parent peer support groups run by parents of children who stammer, and workshops for such parents, plus a helpline (0808 802 0002) and a webchat service.