Gwyneth Paltrow says co-parenting with Chris Martin is ‘not as good as it looks’

'Some days you don't want to be with the person you are getting divorced from’, says actor

Sarah Young
Wednesday 23 September 2020 09:35 BST
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Gwyneth Paltrow says co-parenting with Chris Martin is not as good as it looks

Gwyneth Paltrow has revealed that co-parenting with her ex-husband Chris Martin is not always as amicable as it might appear.

The former couple, who divorced in 2016 after 12 years of marriage, have managed to maintain a close friendship since their separation to co-parent their two children, Apple, 16 and Moses, 14.

But, while their set-up might seem perfect to many, Paltrow admitted that her relationship with the Coldplay frontman has its ups and downs.

Appearing on Tuesday's episode of The Drew Barrymore Show, the Iron Man star opened up about her family arrangement, saying: “It's like you're ending a marriage but you're still in a family. That's how it will be forever.

“Some days it's not as good as it looks. We also have good days and bad days.

“But I think it's driving towards the same purpose of unity and love and what's best for our kids.“

Paltrow went on to say that she believes her relationship with Martin is better now than when they were married and said she felt “really lucky” to have the help of a therapist who gave the former couple “a rubric for how to” co-parent successfully.

She said that one of the main requirements was to not put all of the blame on one's former partner, and to accept some yourself.

“You have to have radical accountability,” Paltrow explained. “You have to know that every relationship is 50/50. No matter what you think, how you think you were wronged, or how bad you perceive the other person's actions, or whatever the case may be.”

She added that she did not want her children to be “traumatised” by the divorce and admitted that co-parenting can often be “harder than it looks”.

“Chris and I committed to putting them first and that's harder than it looks, because some days you really don't want to be with the person that you are getting divorced from but if you're committed to having family dinner then you do it,” she said.

“And you take a deep breath and you look the person in the eye and you remember your pact and you smile and you hug and you make a joke and you just recommit to this new relationship that you are trying to foster. We have this idea that just because we break up, we can't love the things about the person anymore that we loved and that's not true.”

Paltrow recently revealed the exact moment she knew her marriage to Martin was over.

Writing in British Vogue, the Goop founder said the couple were celebrating her 38th birthday on a lavish cottage break in Tuscany, Italy, when she made the realisation.

“I don't remember which day of the weekend it was or the time of day. But I knew – despite long walks and longer lie-ins, big glasses of Barolo and hands held – my marriage was over,” she wrote.

“What I do remember is that it felt almost involuntary, like the ring of a bell that has sounded and cannot be undone. The inadvertent release of a helium balloon into the sky. I tried to quell that knowing, to push it far down.

“I tried to convince myself it had been a fleeting thought, that marriage is complicated and ebbed and flowed. But I knew it. It was in my bones.”

The couple later announced their separation as ”conscious uncoupling“ – a phrase introduced by their therapist.

“I was intrigued, less by the phrase, but by the sentiment,” Paltrow wrote.

“Was there a world where we could break up and not lose everything? Could we be a family, even though we were not a couple?”

The couple officially divorced in 2016, and Paltrow went on to marry Brad Falchuk in 2018.

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