How to navigate older children moving back home
Set boundaries and have clear communication, says an expert.
As economic and social dynamics continue to shift, more young adults are moving back in with their parents – a phenomenon often described as the “boomerang generation”. A recent survey commissioned by NatWest highlights this growing trend, revealing that nearly a quarter (23%) of UK parents have had their adult children return home, typically for a period of about two years.
The research, conducted by Yonder Consulting and based on responses from 2,000 UK adults, found that the average age of those moving back is 26.
In addition, 42% of mothers surveyed said they would be happy to welcome their children back as adults, as would just over a third (34%) of fathers. However, the financial aspect isn’t overlooked – as 60% of parents said they either do charge or would consider charging rent.
We got in touch with family psychotherapist Fiona Yassin, founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic, who has highlighted some of the potential challenges that can arise in this living situation, and has shared some advice on how families can successfully navigate this transition.
How can the dynamics change when older children move back home after a period of independent living – and what potential conflicts can arise?
“Although it can be very rewarding, living with adult children isn’t something many parents have practice in, so it can take a lot of navigating,” reflects Yassin. “One of the challenges of having an adult child at home is that they now have their own developed viewpoints and opinions, and they won’t necessarily match the parents’.”
Furthermore, usually both the parents and adult child are still working, therefore often bringing the pressures and stresses of the workplace back into a shared home environment.
“This can be difficult to deal with,” recognises Yassin. “It may also be that the parent and adult child both work from home and need space to focus or do work calls in private. Having clear boundaries around who is working where, and at what times, will help to prevent fall-out down the line.”
Here are some of Yassin’s other top tips on how to navigate this living situation to make it work for everyone…
Set boundaries before an issue occurs“Difficult conversations, such as those around money, sex and relationships, need to happen upfront and in advance of something happening,” advises Yassin. “To keep the relationship healthy and positive, it’s really important to lay out boundaries and rules before an issue occurs.
“Even though you are a family, and you have a shared history, heritage and memories, you are different people who may have different viewpoints – because of that you need to lay out what’s okay and what’s not early on.”
Have clear and open communication
“It’s important to have clear and open communication and to let the other person know when you are, or are not, prepared to have a fiery or tricky conversation,” says Yassin. “Avoid having difficult conversations when the other person is going about their day, for example, when they’re having breakfast or have just come home from work, as this can feel intrusive.”Talk about parenting input if grandchildren are involved
“Many adult children return home when relationships break down, which means they may also be bringing their own children into the family home,” recognises Yassin. “Whilst living in a multi-generational home can be really beneficial, it can also be difficult to navigate.
“It’s important for the adult children to think about the input they’d like their parents – the children’s grandparents – to have in the upbringing of the children, and for both parties to put boundaries in place if needed. ”
Be respectful
“The key is to be respectful of each other and have honest conversations about what is, and what is not, working,” says Yassin. “It could help for the adults in the home to come together once a week to discuss what’s worked well, what would benefit from changing, and where you might need extra support or more space, the following week.”
Think about the benefits
“There can be big benefits to wellbeing when parents and adult children share a home,” highlights Yassin. “Both parties may benefit from the additional companionship of living with one another.
“Companionship can help to reduce loneliness, depression and anxiety.”