16 reasons why you can’t get over your partner's affair

The judge rejected claims that the middle-aged couple (not pictured) were not capable of enjoying an active sexual relationship (Tina Franklin/Flickr)

Relationship expert Andrew G Marshall looks at some of the key learning points to remember when you're trying to recover from an infidelity.

1) It is early days in the recovery process

2) Recovery is not a straight line

3) You’re trying to control your partner and his or her lover when the only things you can truly control are your own thoughts, reactions, and behaviour

4) You’re expecting a full confession but lots of people take months and months to admit to the basic details

5) You need to get your confidence back and believe that you’re worthy of your partner’s love

6) You need to focus on working on yourself rather than waiting for your partner to change

7) You’ve had an understandable setback. So go back to basics – like improving communication – and don’t let it derail your recovery

8) You need to face the past rather than run away from it

9) You’re focusing too much on what happened and not enough on why

10) You’re supressing your anger

11) You haven’t addressed the real reasons for your partner’s unfaithfulness and inability to commit

12) It takes time to negotiate a way forward that’s acceptable to both of you

13) It’s still going on

14) In the rush to resolve your problems, you have been pushing your partner away, which has increased your anxiety and compounded the problem futher

15) You’re still deciding which way to jump and that’s fine because it is better to make a considered rather than an impulsive decision

16) You’ve both stopped talking and listening to each other

The cover for 'I Can't Get Over My Partner's Affair' (Press image)

This excerpt was published with the kind permission of the author. Andrew G. Marshall's book: I Can't Get Over My Partner's Affair is out now