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First Person

I’m a 45-year-old divorcee – Feeld made me realise I love threesomes and women

A new study suggests Brits are becoming more adventurous in the bedroom, but I spent decades in a sexless marriage. When a friend told me about a dating app where users declare their kinks freely, I jumped at the chance to try it. If only I’d done it sooner

Sunday 17 December 2023 06:30 GMT
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Match made in heaven: Rory introduced me to his ‘play partner’ Lila who was 20 years younger than me
Match made in heaven: Rory introduced me to his ‘play partner’ Lila who was 20 years younger than me (Getty)

The breakup happened in August 2022. After 17 years of marriage, my husband and I decided that too much had changed in our lives and we were no longer a good fit; he moved out the following month. And that’s when I signed up to my first dating app.

Tinder was the gateway. At 45, I was enjoying my newfound freedom, dating people I’d swiped right on, and occasionally sleeping with strangers I met at parties. But people rarely wanted to meet up – they mostly just wanted to sext – and the rest would ghost me after just a few messages. It felt like everyone was playing a game.

One night out, I remember speaking with a young single woman who’d just moved to London from Portugal; she was regaling me with stories of her “wild” sex life, talking about various kinks and sexual predilections I’d never heard of. “You need to get on Feeld immediately,” she told me. I downloaded the app when I got home, slightly blurry-eyed from one too many tequila shots. Immediately, I noticed the difference in the kinds of conversations I was having on this platform compared to others I’d been on. With more than 20 genders and sexualities to choose from and an entire section on profiles dedicated to kinks, Feeld is not like other dating apps. It markets itself as a platform for “open-minded individuals”, tackling the societal shame that we attach to sex and certain sexual acts. At first, it was weird not being able to see the full names or photos of people I was chatting with (some profiles were just initials and photos of their bodies) but I got used to it after a while.

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