Jada Pinkett Smith speaks candidly about ‘dissolving of fantasies’ in marriage

‘I want you to know something, he was not the dude’

Katie O'Malley@KatieOMalley_
Tuesday 26 February 2019 18:44
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Jada Pinkett Smith talks candidly about the 'dissolving of fantasies' in marriage

Jada Pinkett Smith has opened up about the unspoken “sacrifice” and the “deteriorating and dissolving of fantasies" in marriage.

The actor has been married to the Oscar-nominated Will Smith since 1997 with whom she shares two children.

On Monday, The Matrix Revolutions star shared a video from her Facebook Watch show, Red Table Talk, with Jane the Virgin actor Justin Baldoni, rapper Wale, daughter Willow Smith and mother Adrienne Banfield-Norris.

During the discussion, titled “What Men Really Think About Love”, the actor opened up about the unrealistic expectations people often have of marriage.

"Let me tell you, nobody talks about the sacrifice, the deteriorating and dissolving of fantasies," she told Wale.

"You right now, have in your mind, your perfect woman. And when you find that woman, she will be a goddess to you. We fall in love with the goddess, or the god, within that person, and then when we actually meet the human being, then we gotta learn how to love that one.

“The reason why it is so important to me to be able to stick it out, to really get to the true meaning of love, in my opinion, it is unconditional. It has to be, because we are all too flawed. No matter how much work we do! It never ends."

The 47-year-old continued to explain that she grew up in a single parent home and entered her relationship with Smith with “a lot of pain”.

“I came to the table with a lot of brokenness, and most of all I came to the table with a lot of ‘daddy issues’."

Actors Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith attend the 73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on 10 January 2016

As a result, the actor said she felt "angry towards men" and kept high expectations of what she wanted from a partner.

Speaking of her relationship with Smith, she added: "I could’ve ended up with all kinds of dudes. The way I ended up with Will, I had to change my whole perspective. ‘Cause I want you to know something, he was not the dude. But I had to change that.

“I can’t ask someone to be for me what I’m not willing to be for them.”

Pinkett Smith revealed there has been multiple times during her 22-year marriage to Smith that both of them have considered calling an end to their relationship.

In October 2018, Smith appeared on his wife's Facebook Watch show, during which he discussed a turbulent period during his marriage.

He explained that the pair "essentially had to destroy our marriage" in order for it to become a healthy relationship once more.

When asked by his mother-in-law whether he had ever considered divorce, Smith stated that it "wasn't an option", as he'd been divorced before.

According to Pinkett Smith, the difficulties she and her husband have faced during their relationship have made their marriage stronger.

"There have been several occasions where you just had enough and you want to leave and I just couldn’t. Or Will just couldn't," she explained on the recent Red Table Talk episode.

Jada Pinkett Smith with (L) stepson Trey Smith, daughter Willow Smith and actor Jaden Smith at the 26th Annual EMA Awards in 2016

"Because we knew this was what was meant to be — this partnership. No matter what the form is. We’ve had to redefine it. We don't call ourselves married anymore. We’re in a life partnership."

She concluded by highlighting that the tribulations the pair have overcome during their marriage have made it all worth it.

"At the end of the day, to know that you have another person that can love you for all that you are [...] Will has loved me through the worst of myself," she continued.

"And I have done the same. When somebody can love you in that way, it makes your faith in the world come together. I am 47-years-old and I want you to know, that this is probably the first year of my life that I can say, 'I am happy,' because that’s how long the journey has been."

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