Biggest threat to marriages revealed by relationships expert

It's the silent relationship killer

Olivia Petter
Wednesday 25 October 2017 10:42 BST
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Louise Thomas

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What are some of the biggest issues that married couples face?

Financial troubles, intimacy issues, emotional misunderstandings … all of these might seem like one-way fast tracks to relationship homicide, but they’re really just symptomatic of a wider issue, argue relationships experts.

The one thing that causes more divorces than anything else? Unmet expectations.

When writer Derek Harvey came across this shock revelation at a seminar six years ago, he was flabbergasted.

“I have seen the pain and frustration that plays out from having unmet expectations, not just in marriage, but in all relationships,” he told Inspire More.

“It’s a deadly venom that flows to the heart and wreaks havoc in relationships.”

It’s no secret that having high expectations can be problematic when it comes to romance.

From the banal (“why do you snore like a gruffalo?”) – to the bitter (“why do you have to dress like that?”), there’s no denying that it can be tough to accept that the man or woman of your dreams isn’t so dreamy after all.

“Unmet expectations are a huge relationship killer,” explains relationships coach James Preece.

“People tend to enter marriages or long term relationships expecting the other person will change their ways.

“They think that over time they'll be able to mould them into someone else. This only leads to disappointment and anger.

It is crucial to accept your partner for who they are, he continues, and strive to work as a team to overcome the inevitable struggles that all married couples face from sky-high mortgages to eating the last avocado.

“The best way to handle unmet expectations is simply to work as a team,” Preece advises.

“Set goals together and work towards them. Not only is that more fun, but you are much more likely to achieve them when someone is spurring you on.”

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