When most people propose to their partners, they’re not so much nervous about whether their boy- or girlfriend will say yes, but rather they’re just scared about getting it right.
Ideally, you’re only going to propose or be proposed to once, and everyone wants that moment to be perfect.
Of course, one person’s ideal proposal is another’s idea of a nightmare.
Opening a Big Mac box to find a ring stuffed into the top of a burger, for example, could go one of two ways.
But there are certain ways of proposing which, I’m sorry, really should never happen. They are just awful for everyone involved.
So without further ado, behold: the definitive ranking of proposals.
9. With a flash mob
Flash mobs were cool, like, five years ago. And only then the really well done ones. And even then, not for proposals.
The chances are it’ll all be a bit amateur and thus totally cringe. Plus, your significant other is going to be left with a huge crowd watching her reaction. Talk about pressure.
8. By tricking her
You may think it’s hilarious to try and trick your partner into thinking one of you is being arrested or you’re having a heart attack, but the chances are it’s just going to scare the s*** out of them. Avoid.
7. Something lame
Whatever you do, don’t just turn to her one day and say: “So when are we getting married then?” Do it properly. Everyone wants to be asked properly. It doesn’t need to be a huge affair but it needs to feel special, no matter how low-key that is.
6. When she’s being celebrated for something else
Remember the Chinese diver who proposed to his girlfriend when she was being presented with her silver medal at the 2016 Olympics? DO NOT BE THAT GUY!
Don’t try and overshadow her achievement. Don’t make it all about you. Let her have her moment, jeez.
Also don’t do it at any occasion that could steal someone else’s thunder. A wedding, for example, would be one to avoid.
5. With a very adult discussion
Dear Lord, please do not do it in the context of discussing mortgages and joint bank accounts and whose family you’ll spend Christmas with. Getting engaged isn’t something to be done lightly, but you want there to be at least some romance and magic.
4. On her birthday or Christmas
Do not do this. Just do not. There are so many reasons why you shouldn’t propose on an already special day unrelated to you both.
If you propose on her birthday and then everything goes tits up between you two, you’ve just ruined her birthday for the rest of her life. Plus, doing it another day gives you two separate celebrations on two separate days.
If you propose on Christmas Day, no one else in the world will care as much because they’re all busy celebrating Christmas, duh. And again, you could tarnish both your Christmases forevermore if it doesn’t work out. I’m just being realistic. It could happen.
3. On a big screen
Whether it’s in Times Square or in a sports stadium, do not propose on the big screen. It’s cliché AF and also puts a lot of pressure on your partner to react in the right way.
Awkwardness of proposals is directly correlated with publicness, so it’s best to keep things more intimate.
2. In a restaurant
Oh, so basic. Is there any worse place to propose than in a restaurant? Even if it’s her favourite/where you had your first date/the best restaurant in the world, don’t do it. Do it after, somewhere else, fine. But dear God, not in the restaurant.
Definitely don’t hide the ring in a glass of champagne or a piece of cake (eww that’s just going to get messy), and please for the love of all that is romantic, don’t draw the attention of everyone in the restaurant by getting down on one knee at the side of the table.
I know, the prospect for a free pudding is very appealing. But it’s not worth it. Wait till you're alone somewhere private afterwards.
1. Spelling out ‘marry me’ in rose petals
Could there be anything more cliché?
Truth be told, there is only one good way to propose, and that’s with something personal - whether it be where you first met (although how you would do that on Bumble I do not know) or at a place special to the two of you.
One would like to hope that if you’re proposing to someone, you’ll know whether they’d prefer an elaborate or simple proposal. But whatever you do, steer clear of the clichés.
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