Campaigners warned the safe provision of life-saving domestic abuse shelters are at risk due to employees who work catching coronavirus and being forced to self-isolate themselves
Campaigners warned the safe provision of life-saving domestic abuse shelters are at risk due to employees who work catching coronavirus and being forced to self-isolate themselves

The red flags that signal your relationship may turn abusive

There's a fine but definite line between concern and control

Rachel Hosie
Monday 06 February 2017 17:05
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Whether coercive control or physical violence, abuse from a partner is not OK.

The trouble is, however, that the extent of the abuse can be hard to see for those suffering in the relationships.

Unfortunately, more often than not it’s women who are the victims of emotional and physical abuse from partners, and so women have been speaking out on Reddit, sharing the red flags we should all look out for in our relationships.

The top sign? “Trying to isolate you from friends or family.”

One woman shared her experience of this which looks like it was a narrow escape: “Once I realised that I was pulling away from everyone in my life because if he couldn't trust them then I couldn't trust them, I had a huge ‘oh s***’ moment where I realised ‘Oh my god, he's about to start getting physically abusive.’

“Got out of there so fast after that,” she explains.

Another sign to look out for is your partner obsessively wanting to know where you are.

One woman had experience of this after the man she’d started dating told her to install a GPS programme on her phone so he’d know where she was at all times.

After she refused, he “flipped” and she broke things off immediately.

Similarly, be wary of anyone who wants to know your phone or computer passwords early on and is pushy about it if you say no.

Many women in the discussion agreed that it’s a warning sign if your boyfriend makes remarks such as “All women are crazy, except you” or “You're different from other girls” because it suggests a misogynistic view of all women being the same.

“It means they see women as some homogenous mass that they disapprove of, and you're the lucky one that they've decided isn't like those shallow/simple women,” one person explained.

“I would consider any strong attachment to stereotypical gender roles to be bad news for the exact reason that it gets in the way of them treating you as a full partner. Plus, it shows a certain lack of mental flexibility,” added another.

One woman pointed out that if a man says all his exes are crazy, he’s the common denominator.

And many agreed that it’s important to distinguish the difference between a partner expressing concern and trying to control - if someone tries to tell you what you can and can’t do, that’s a definite warning flag.

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