Inside the strange cynical world of wannabe pick-up artists

They've even got their own language

(Getty Images)

A forum set up by men to help them work out how to seduce women has reached almost 250,000 followers – and it even has its own language.

The seduction Reddit forum – known as Seddit – is used by thousands of men to share their tips, experiences and dating dilemmas, all in the hope of picking up a woman. By contrast, the female equivalent group has just 4,000 members.

Anyone can post in the forum but when trying to decide whether your post is appropriate, “the golden rule is to ask yourself: ‘Does this post help guys meet women?’,” according to the guidelines.

And Seddit is clearly an invaluable source for many men - “I had very little success with girls before I found Reddit and started reading [Seddit],” wrote one.

The anonymous contributors to Seddit have even developed their own language and unique terms which reveal a lot about the attitudes and mindset of the community. Some examples from the Seddit glossary include:

• AA - Approach Anxiety: The general feeling of being too afraid to approach women
• B*tch-Shield: This is when you get an immediate negative reaction from a woman upon approaching her
• Buying Temperature: This is basically how the woman feels about you at a given time. It’s a good idea to make a move when the buying temperature is really high
• Chick Crack: This refers to anything that usually spikes a woman’s interest. Examples: Palm reading, The Cube, talking about shoes/clothes, gossiping, chick flicks, etc.
• HB - Hot Babe: This basically refers to any girl
• Neg: This is something you say that is the opposite of a compliment, but does not appear to be intended as an insult. It should typically only be used when the girl has a big ego
• One-Itis/Oneitis: This is when you have an unhealthy infatuation with a certain girl (usually the feeling isn’t mutual)
• Peacocking: This is when you dress in an outrageous manner. The point of peacocking is to make yourself more noticeable
• Sh*t-test: Something a girl says or does in order to judge your response. It can be intentional or unintentional. Examples: She might tell you you're too short for her, or she might simply ask what you do 
• SNL - Same-night lay: This is when you meet a girl and then f*** her that same day/night
• Target: The girl you’re going for at the moment
• Three-second rule: This is the idea that you should approach someone (or a group) within three seconds of seeing them. The longer you wait, the more likely you are to talk yourself out of it

The fact that the current object of affection is referred to as the “target” speaks volumes for the attitude to women amongst many of these men.

They share graphs and colour-coded cheat sheets revealing just quite how much time, thought and effort they devote to trying to seduce women.

One man shared his “field-tested” trick for finding the right time to kiss a woman when sparks are flying but you don’t know if the moment is right: just say “wait.”

And people keenly followed his advice - one man shared how the trick resulted in his first one-night-stand: “Took what was about to be another frustrating end to a night and ended with the best possible outcome,” he wrote.

The men talk about the much sought-after “kino”, which is short for kinesthetics, by which they mean physical contact with a female.

“Just want you guys to remember that ‘we're not having sex’ doesn't mean you aren't having sex, it means you need to get her properly motivated to escalate,” wrote one man, before adding: “Except in the case where it's a direct and serious ‘no’ then going further is sexual assault, obviously.”

It’s not just all about sex though - other men have shared their guides to relationships and “what to do after you get the girl”.

For many members of the community, however, the real difficulty lies in the early stages of courting a woman.

One man wanted advice on how to “pick up” women in the Pandora store where he worked.

Members of the community responded with detailed and serious pieces of advice such as: “Don't be pushy. While you might find someone attractive, most probably all they want to do is to pay, not to get picked up” and “If a cutie does seem receptive to you, find something in common between you two”.

Another man has created a four-part guide to using Snapchat to reach “the pretty girls you're trying to get at.” He believes that women are much more likely to give out their Snapchat details than their phone numbers, and talks about using the app to “warm up” women and “nurture” them.

One shared a story to reinforce this idea: “My friend met a girl in a club, kissed and exchanged Snapchats. He didn’t ask for her number but Snapchat. He did some Snapchat thing for a while, like one or two months, now he is her f***buddy. If you use it wisely it will pay off.”

However not everyone in the community is as convinced by this approach, with one man calling it “sad”, and another concluding it was “f***ing dumb”.