Poetic licence

After 10 years of wrangling, Eurocrats have decreed that all condoms sold in EU states must be made to one standard. The minimum size has been increased from the old British 6.4 inches to the more generous 6.75 inches favoured by the well-blessed Norwegians

THE EURO-CONDOM

After long negotiations

And examining of rules

Then the forming of a quango

On the Euro family jewels

Came a tangle over measures

And a wrangle over weights

On the minimum requirement

For the leading member states

The Belgian chairman uttered

"It's as broad as it is long."

While a British colleague sputtered,

"Then you're measuring it wrong

With inaccuracies legion

We must look to a Norwegian

Since they gain in certain areas

What they seem to lack in song."

Then a Danish spokesman stated

That it made him rather proud

Of his fellow Scandinavians

But it shouldn't be allowed

Since it might dismay Italians

Who as European stallions

Must maintain a reputation

For being trouserly endowed

So the conversation covered

Every facet and position

Might the teat need reassessing

For a standardised emission?

And the ribbing calibrations?

Should they leave them as they are?

What about the lubrication?

Could they stretch a point too far?

But the one thing they agreed on

As a Euro pre-condition

Was that cellophane on packets

Should remain to blight coition

So that European lovers

Irrespective of their nation

End up cursing in the darkness

On the brink of copulation