REAL BODIES: REHAB NOTES

THERE ARE only two words it is forbidden to use in Process Group: "you" and "c---." The ban on "you" is only when "you" means "I" as in: "How does it feel, Ben, when your daughter tells you she doesn't want you as a father?"

"You feel like you're nothing."

"No, Ben, I feel like I'm nothing."

"Oh yeah, I feel like I'm nothing."

There are no circumstances in which the C-word is suitable.

So when Billy said to Chris, "Talk to me about your feelings and I'll put a flicking contract out on you, you c---!" he drew a swift rebuke from the treatment director. The murder threat was left unexplored.

It's been a high-octane week, Billy, Chris and three others arrived disrupting any notional balance. Chris is a well-to-do doctor and sex addict. Billy's a ne'er-do-well thief, wife-beater and crack addict. Fortunately, Billy's life remains outside. If only Chris's had too, but it's followed him in, in the shape of Tricia, a bulimic and, in real life, one of Chris's patients.

"You never told me you were a sex addict!" Tricia screamed when it all came out. "You're a f---ing animal!" Billy added, with Tricia already in his sights for future sex and beating.

There are infinitely dark pools of human frailty under all this bombast. Chris has never propositioned Tricia, even when it ought to have been irresistible. In other words, when she's got her kit off in his surgery.

Some of the more cynical of us are thinking what Tricia's really mad about is that she's not even attractive to a sex addict. It's enough to make anyone feel low.

Even worse than this, however, is that in the three days since Chris's arrival, he's already made a move on Amy, Veronique and Shelley. I personally believe it was this that sent Tricia over the edge. Anyway, her reaction has been to cosy up with a wife-beater for support.

How the Chris, Billy, Tricia, Amy, Veronique, Shelley hexagon will work out is anybody's guess. But there's worse on the horizon. I've just discovered that Chris once slept with the Cool Chef's wife. Chris hasn't seen the Cool Chef yet, but the Cool Chef - an ex-patient - sure has seen Chris. And he's cooking up something special right now.

Maybe the treatment director's right. We don't need to worry about Billy's murder threat after all.