10 signs that you’re dating a commitment phobe, and how deal with it

Should you just run for hills?

Sarah Young
Wednesday 21 June 2017 15:51
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Does your partner blow hot and cold, have an aversion to making plans or think that their needs should always come first? Well, chances are you could be dating a commitment phobe.

Another term for relationship anxiety or fear of relationships, people who have commitment issues experience love just like anyone else, but their feelings can often be more intense driving anxiety, which snowballs as the relationship goes on.

Dating is tough enough as it is but add a commitment phobe to the mix and you could have recipe for disaster. Fall in love with one and you might just find yourself ditched without a word of warning.

Luckily, Femail’s sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox has compiled a list to help you spot someone with a fear of commitment and what you can do to prevent getting hurt.

Firstly, she says that people with these traits tend to be afraid of being hurt because of their experience of past relationships so this is a great place to start.

If they’ve been in a previous relationship that ended badly or their parents separated venomously they might be less likely commit out of fear.

Similarly, Cox reveals that a string of short-term relationships, always wanting to be in control and not wanting to make plans should send warning signals.

The relationship expert also highlights that commitment phobes can be “ultra-charming” to begin with but once they’ve got you, often fade away.

They also tend to put their own needs first, refrain from sharing intimate details and are likely to panic at the mere mention of the ‘c’ word.

If you’re still not convinced whether or not your partner is holding back, it can help to take a look at other areas of their life too. Cox says that most commitment phobes have problems obliging to pretty much anything so if they don’t pay bills or are always late, this could be why.

So, what should you do if you think you’re dating a commitment phobe? Run for the hills?

Not quite, but Cox does say that you should never change to accommodate them. “They either want you, or they don’t.”

Instead, she insists that the best way to tackle someone with a fear of relationships is to check that you’re not pushing too soon, to take it slow and reassure them that while we can never be 100 per cent sure of anything, all you can do is try and make it work.

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