Man reveals his ‘day in the life’ as a ‘stay-at-home-husband’: ‘People seem to think I lost my man card’

‘Sunday reset? More like resetting societal norms’

Amber Raiken
New York
Wednesday 11 May 2022 19:08
Comments

A man has described his life as “a stay-at-home husband,” while his wife works, detailing how they want their dynamic to “reset societal norms”.

On their joint TikTok account, Maya and Hunter, who are based in Southern California, frequently post videos about Hunter’s life as a stay-at-home husband.

In a clip posted last month, Hunter documented his responsibilities and the errands he does with his wife, which she often paid for.

“Sorry, tough guys. It’s another day in the life of a stay-at-home husband,” he said. “My wife is always trying to sneak in extra work on the weekend, so I grabbed her, her wallet, and headed out on our weekly errands.”

After leaving their home, they could be seen at a cafe, where Maya bought coffee and food. The clip then showed the couple at their local farmer’s market and Whole Foods.

In the video, Hunter also referred to some of the comments he’s gotten on social media about not being enough of a man, since his wife is the breadwinner of the family.

“Some people seem to think I lost my man card, so we went to the farmers market to buy a new one,” he joked. “But they were all out, so I went to Whole Foods and got some flowers for my wife.”

Maya then filmed herself holding a bouquet of white flowers and then a clip of her husband pulling a wagon of groceries, as they made their way back home.

“I strapped the groceries to my mancart and got to arranging the flowers,” he said. “Never give your wife flowers and expect her to arrange them. That’s a chore, not a gift.”

Hunter noted that once he started cleaning the house, Maya tried to help him, which he didn’t want her to do as it was her time off from work.

“This little girlboss tried to help me clean the floors. So silly. It’s her day off, so I made her a little reading nook and got to cleaning,” he continued. “Sunday reset? More like resetting societal norms.”

The clip concluded with Hunter vacuuming the rug in their living room, while Maya sat on the couch and read a book. In the caption, they made a subtle reference to ending everyday patriarchal standards, as it reads: “Real men buy Cara Cara oranges.”

As of 10 May, the video has more than 7.7m views so far, with TikTok users in the comments applauding Hunter.

“Still cooler than every alpha male,” one wrote.

“Prime examples of if he wanted to, he would,” another commented. “You guys are so wholesome.”

A third user added: “This man is living my dream.”

Multiple viewers also praised Hunter and Maya’s relationship, acknowledging how a stay-at-home husband could be a good thing, as opposed to the societal norm of a woman being the one who stays at home.

“My dad is a stay at home dad too!” one comment reads. “He and my mom are still together. 25 years later.”

“The fact that it’s an issue for a man to be a stay at home dad or husband bothers me,” another wrote. “The fact [that] society is like this is wrong and unfair.”

Speaking to Buzzfeed, Hunter noted how he currently has some free time before starting his second year of law school. And since he’s mainly been responsible for his husband-duties, Maya came up with the idea of making TikTok videos to document that.

“She had seen a trend of TikToks going around about self-proclaimed ‘stay-at-home daughters’ and ‘stay-at-home wives,’ but noticed an obvious lack of male presence in this genre,” he explained. “She also noticed many women on the platform would talk about how their husbands and boyfriends didn’t even know how to wash a dish, let alone take care of the entire home.”

According to Hunter, some of his daily tasks have included “cleaning the house, feeding the dog, and grocery shopping”. He also shared how Maya had taken him out for “dinner as a treat at the end of a long day”.

Speaking to The Independent, Hunter said that being a stay-at-home husband has incredibly helpful for his relationship, as it has allowed him and Maya to communicate openly about different circumstances.

“When we decided to get married last summer, we knew that part of the plan was for Maya to work to support us while I finish school,” he said. “Of course, I plan to contribute more financially down the line, but for now, I contribute by taking care of the home. And we made that decision together. The important part is that we are always on the same page.”

Regardless of who serves as the breadwinner, both women and men in relationships should be a part of that decision-making process,” he continued. “It should not be determined by preset societal standards. So our message to other couples is simple: do what works for you, the BOTH of you. But how else can you know what the best dynamic is without communicating openly and honestly with one another?”

Maya also acknowledged that once Hunter finishes law-school, their dynamic will ultimately change in external ways. However, they will still make it a priority to communicate with each other properly.

“Hunter will hopefully put his law degree to good use and fulfill his dream of advocating for others in the courtroom,” she said. “This will obviously involve making money and spending less time doing house chores. But the dynamic will not change in a few very fundamental ways: We will always proactively communicate our needs and expectations to one another. We will always do our best to fill in when the other person is struggling or in need. And we will always view each other as equals. Every opportunity in our relationship will be an equal opportunity for the both of us to contribute.”

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