What Taylor Swift and Blake Lively’s texts really say about their friendship

The A-list besties have had some excruciatingly intimate correspondence made public as part of the Justin Baldoni trial. It just goes to show that the dynamics of female friendship remain just as complex for the rich and famous, writes Helen Coffey

There aren’t many ways in which I can relate to global music sensation Taylor Swift. Or Hollywood star Blake Lively, for that matter. Their gilded lives – funded by their gilded millions – are far beyond my humble ken.

But in one very specific regard, I can relate. Hard relate, even. The pair’s private correspondence has been made extremely public as part of the ongoing and increasingly acrimonious legal beef between Lively and actor-director Justin Baldoni. And it turns out that Taylor and Blake, rich and famous as they are, have just as complex and gnarly a friendship dynamic as the rest of womankind.

It’s not often that we get to see behind the curtain when it comes to certain elements of the glitterati’s real lives – the intricacies of celebrity friendships being one area usually shielded from view. Putting aside the sheer horror of imagining your most personal messages being blasted for all to see, some of the texts released are particularly excruciating because they spotlight besties Swift and Lively going through a distinctly rocky patch.

Lively contacted Swift in December 2024, raising a possible rift: “Hey, just checking in. I have no reason to ask, but I donno [sic], I’ve been feeling like I should… is everything OK? I felt like a bad friend lately because was such a sad sack who only talked about her own s*** for months…

“You were generous to not only be the key person there for me during all of it, but also to let me off the hook for being so in it. But still have a feeling something may not be right.”

Lively and Swift hanging out with Lively’s husband, Ryan Reynolds, and actor Hugh Jackman (@thehughjackman/Instagram)

Swift, meanwhile, affirmed that things had indeed shifted: “You’re not wrong but it’s also not a big deal. Yes there has been a lot of the Justin stuff but I’ve been through things like this before and I know how all consuming it is. It’s more like... and I feel really bad saying anything about this because your texts have been so nice in their intent but your last few... it’s felt like I was reading a mass corporate email sent to 200 employees. You said the word ‘we’ like 18 times.”

“I just kinda miss my dark, normal-speaking friend who talks to me as herself, not like. A plural unit,” she added. “When it’s a group I’m hearing from, I feel distanced from you even more than we are geographically.”

While we mere mortals may not have been through this precise scenario – feeling a distance from our famous best mate while they fight an alleged orchestrated PR smear campaign and embark on a court case that’s captured the attention of the world’s media – but the gist of it is undeniably familiar. Especially for women.

The way that women relate is infused with so much subtext, a thousand longings and perceived slights and petty jealousies

Lively’s tentative, “is everything OK?” is the faltering question you ask when you already know full well that things are not OK – when you know, in your gut, that the delicate equilibrium of a close friendship has been out of kilter for weeks or even months. Even to ask the question requires hefty amounts of courage and vulnerability, raising as it does unspoken feelings of abandonment and rejection, and hinting at the fear that things, now inexplicably out of joint, cannot be put right. To name the issue at all is to make it manifestly real, and drag it blinking into the light.

Swift’s replies, too, have a haunting echo of authenticity that many will recognise: the awkward, agonised response of someone who wants to keep the peace but suspects the only way to recover what once was is through raw and unflinching honesty, however painful that truth might feel.

It’s the gift and the curse of relationships between women. Even when strictly platonic, they are rich, multi-faceted, intricately woven – a tangle of conflicting emotions that simmer beneath the surface. Unlike many male friendships, which present as simple, straightforward and direct (while admittedly featuring a much higher number of insults per interaction), the way that women relate is infused with so much subtext, a thousand longings and perceived slights and petty jealousies. It’s like comparing a cave painting to the Sistine Chapel; a tin can and piece of string to the internet; a Marvel movie to a Merchant Ivory film.

Swift and Lively’s messages were shared as part of the latter’s legal dispute with Justin Baldoni (Getty)

But as challenging as female friendships can be at times, that’s the price we pay for a level of closeness and intimacy that is largely unmatched. For most women I know, these relationships are the bedrock of their lives. We are each other’s biggest cheerleaders and supporters; manage to navigate the myriad complexities and tensions at play, and the reward is life-long comrades who would literally follow you into battle.

Case in point: despite their acknowledged drifting, Swift shared an article saying that Baldoni had been dropped by his talent agency with Lively just weeks after their sticky exchange. “You won… you did it”, wrote Swift. “Never has a cancellation been reversed so fast,” she added, telling Lively that she “helped so many people who won’t have to go through this ever again”.

Lively replied: “I love you so much. I would not be OK through any of this if it weren’t for you.”

It’s not always easy to be straight talking with the women we love; it’s a lot easier, in fact, to revert to the passive-aggressive safety of “I’m fine!” or play-act that nothing’s wrong to swerve a confrontation. But, as Swift and Lively’s messages can attest, choosing the more thorny path of honesty is the true mark of a mature, adult relationship – and the only surefire way to “Shake it Off” and ensure you build a female friendship capable of weathering even the most earth-shattering storms.