From playlists to play pretend: How to keep the romance alive in a long-term relationship on Valentine’s Day

Candy, gifts, and dinners might have been pleasurable to receive originally, but that may not fit the scope of your connection now, Kaleigh Werner writes. And if we’re supposed to honour the universal intention of Valentine’s Day by paying tribute to our loves, why would we eat the cost of ubiquitous, quintessential festivities?

At this point, I’ve been in a relationship longer than I’ve lived in any apartment (I’ve moved every year for the last six years). It’s been three and a half years, and I’ve somehow managed to keep it as the one constant in my life amid the tumult of my early twenties. I know what you’re thinking, three and a half years isn’t even that long, but I wasn’t the same person 42 months ago, and we weren’t the same couple.

Whether I like to admit it or say the actual term out of fear a sad stigma will consume us, I’m in a long-term relationship. And what I’ve found is that there’s an unspoken, added desire to maintain the thrill of discovery and feeling of unparalleled passion after you pass the one-year mark. You want to keep surprising each other with little things that feel like first-time experiences. It’s ironic, really. We want to feel secure yet unsettled because the alternative is a predetermined view of what’s to come, and there’s little pleasure in that.

In terms of Valentine’s Day, the first one together is fresh, sexy. Albeit over-commercialised, the “holiday” is an excuse to obsess and undress the romantic in you. Valentine’s Day practically begs you to be that annoying couple, and let’s be honest, it’s kind of nice to assume the role for once, especially if you haven’t before.

Then, every time after that, the 14th of February becomes a bit anxiety-induced with an exuberant amount of pressure to commemorate your relationship in a material sense – like an unoriginal box of chocolates and flowers somehow epitomises love. The candy, gifts, and dinners might have been pleasurable to receive originally, but that may not fit the scope of your connection now. And if we’re supposed to honour the universal intention of Valentine’s Day of paying tribute to your individual love, why would we eat the cost of ubiquitous, quintessential festivities?

A recent study by Empower found that one in four Americans feel pressured to spend more money on Valentine’s Day than they want. For those in committed relationships, with love languages that have nothing to do with money, you shouldn’t be made to feel like this.

With the day here, the question is, is there a way to celebrate Valentine’s Day uniquely in a long-term relationship free of a hefty price tag? Also, how do you add that sweet spice and surprise that’s significant to your relationship after years together?

Here are a few ideas for how to keep the romance up on Valentine’s Day in your relationship.

Ignore Valentine’s Day and celebrate another time

This is going to sound counterintuitive, but you know your relationship best, and if you both aren’t the type to gush over each other on the expected day, don’t. Valentine’s Day isn’t a requirement. If anything, it’s a ruse to get you to spend money, for brands to advertise special deals, and for restaurants to fill their space. The motivation to celebrate your relationship shouldn’t stem from this thought of: “Everyone else is doing it, so we need to too.”

Ideally, you should be reveling in your love every day, finding ways to excite one another frequently. So, skip out on Valentine’s Day. Rebel, avoid the steep prices and overbooked venues. Choose a different date to splurge on, maybe an experience that you both have always wanted to enjoy even though it isn’t scheduled for 14 February.

At-home picnic

Sadly, Valentine’s Day takes place during the brunt of winter. If you’re on the East Coast, or on the wrong side of the hemisphere, your options for celebrating are limited to indoor activities. Rather than spending the day or night out with a bunch of other couples, you could make your own picnic.

For our first Valentine’s Day together, I pieced together my boyfriend’s fantasy meal. I bought his favourite snacks, his go-to meal, as well as the drinks and desserts he loves. I laid out a blanket on my bedroom floor, lining it with tea light candles – a private picnic for two.

Plan an ode to your significant other by crafting a picnic free from the eyes of others.

Bucket List

To the dreamers – the pairs who prefer to think ahead, hoping and aspiring to live out experiences they’ve always wanted to have together – you don’t have to rush and book them all for the actual day. Instead, as an activity, sit down and devise a bucket list. Start planning the exotic escapades you’ve mentioned to each other. Draft separate ones and swap them to see the adventures you hope to take. Imagine, and then start brainstorming ways to make the vision a reality.

Recreate your first date

Reminiscing is the easiest thing to do for a couple that’re three, 10-, or 30-years in. When you’re meant to pay tribute to your relationship, your conversation will inevitably lead to thinking back on your time together. Why not celebrate the past by recreating it?

Set up a date like the first you went on together. Take them to the same place or one with a similar ambiance and cuisine. Maybe play pretend and act like you’re just getting to know each other, building that romance, but also the friendship. Dress up like you did to show that you’ll still put in effort even though things are more comfortable.

Make a playlist together

For music enthusiasts, let the lyrics of your favourite artists speak for you. Present your partner with a perfectly curated playlist of songs that make you think of them or ones you believe they’ll love. If you’re not a big on crafts, this is an ideal handmade gift that’ll reflect your thought and care. Play the track set when you’re together to let the music transcend the setting as if you guys were experiencing it live.

Cook a dish from somewhere you hope to travel together

While a destination Valentine’s Day may be farfetched, cooking a dish from a country that’s on your travel bucket list can be the next best thing. Prepare a meal that’s symbolic of an area you would love to experience in-person one day. You can cook one together, or each make your own and taste each other’s (if cooking together is stressful).