why are they famous?: Mona Bauwens

MAIN CLAIM: Mr David Mellor, that esteemed former Minister for Fun. Mona is very faintly famous-ish in a "Who?" "Oh her... " manner, yet she was not even the interesting sex-in-a-Chelsea-strip partner in the whole affaire Mellor. However, Mona, whose Palestinian connections featured in her MP friend's resignation, is now about to publish a book on the rise of the empowered woman. "I'm a writer," explains the socialite.

APPEARANCE: Lady Colin Campbell's younger sister. Back-of-mag ad for nose job clinic. The Babycham deer meets Babycham drinker. Agnetha in Middle Eastern Abba tribute band.

ROOTS: Blonde, tip-tilt nosed Mona is, in fact, we think you will find, a Palestinian. Mona is the daughter of Jawad Al-Ghussein, a one-time fund- raiser for Palestinian causes, who entertained Mellor at his gaff in Abu Dhabi and on a luxury jaunt in Marbella. "I would describe myself as more

privileged than most people, but I still have to work," says the twice- married millionaire's daughter,

who boasts a manservant of 16 years called Johnnie.

CAFE SOCIETY: PR Liz Brewer, the Max Clifford of Eurotrash, has been "looking after" Mona for a decade and a half. "Another dinner, another restaurant, more caviar, more champagne. That's our life... I like seeing myself plastered on every front page," explains the admirably energetic micro-celeb. Her advice to the would-be famous: "The trick is to do anything, anything, to capture the headlines."

FAME IS THE SPUR: "Give me two years, and I will be legitimately on the front page," claimed the media-friendly one. NB: that was somewhat more than two years ago, Mona. Money, a private

PR, an overwhelming desire for fame and, let's face it, a six-year-old story involving a gap-toothed balding person, are enough to

keep her bubbling under the fringes of cafe society in a lukewarm manner. "The adrenalin and

the high of being plastered on every newspaper poster and mentioned in every news

bulletin is an ego-boosting, aphrodisiac kick," our heroine, she

of the retrousse noselet and

still-to-be-categorised talent,

has written.

FAME PROSPECTS: Perchance Mona's new tome will prove to the world that the fledgling wordsmith is more than a strange suicide blonde with a ski jump profile and a hefty cuttings book? Mona explaining the undreariness of her new book: "You don't wanna go into sort of, I dunno, psychology or sort of social, ha!" Do an Ivana, Mona, and do it soon. Marry a billionaire, divorce him, and end up advertising Kentucky Fried Chicken. Easy, sweetie.