How to talk to your partner about finances – without arguing

Falling out over money is common among couples, but there are ways to make these conversations more constructive.

It is important to reassess financial goals with your partner without falling out (Alamy/PA) (Alamy/PA)

Talking about money with a partner can feel like walking into a minefield, often sparking tension or heated disagreements, but it doesn’t always have feel like this.

When a relationship involves shared expenses or assets, open and constructive financial conversations can help lay strong foundations for the future.

We spoke to Jose Gigante, wealth management consultant at Mattioli Woods, who shared some practical advice on how to set the tone and navigate money conversations with your partner in a calm, productive way – without letting it turn into an argument.

Choose the right time and environment

Create a comfortable atmosphere to reduce any stress.

“Find a time and a place where you’re not going to be interrupted by the kids or by your phone,” recommends Gigante. “Create a safe and relaxed environment, maybe have a glass of wine or a nice coffee somewhere, which is away from the stresses of normal everyday life.”

Set some spending goals

Make your finances a collaborative process by setting some short, medium and long-term goals together.

“It’s very important to understand what big purchases and/or big debts that you and your partner might have,” says Gigante. “Think about some shared objectives and set some goals. Break everything down into short, medium or long-term goals and look at what you really need and what is more of a desire.

“Think about what you might want to achieve in the next five years and what you need to cover your everyday needs. A big goal could be creating an emergency fund or buying a first house.”

Have an annual financial review

Set a date to review all the shared finances to help you and your partner stay on track with your goals.

“I would recommend doing a check-in about your shared finances at least once every year,” advises Gigante. “That could be in January or could align with the financial year or could be at the end of your tax year.

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“During these meetings, set a budget for next year and think about how much money from your income that you could divert towards your future goals.

“The minimum you should be doing this is annually, but monthly or quarterly catch-ups are also great. Put dates in the diary to meet regularly and to make sure that you are staying on track and aren’t going over the budget.”

Have conversations around big life events

Major life changes are often catalysts for reassessing financial goals.

“If you are in your early career, it’s likely to be a different conversation compared to if you are about to retire, but regardless it’s definitely a good idea to have financial discussions around big life events like marriage, buying a  house or having children,” says Gigante.

Set the scene 

“Set the scene before going into the detail,” recommends Gigante. “Always start by going back to your goals. For example, say ‘I would like to discuss with you how we’re going to achieve paying for that big family holiday based on our current finances’.”

Use clear and plain language

People often find finance buzzwords overwhelming and complicated, so try to keep it as simple as possible.

“Never assume that your partner understands all the finance lingo such as bonds, pensions, ISAs etc,” says Gigante. “Try to explain everything in plain language, because what we often find is that one of the two in a couple might be very well-versed in interest rates and investments but it might all sound very complicated to the other partner.

“It’s all about making things easier for everyone to understand so everyone is aligned.”

Be open and honest

Keeping an open and honest dialogue about finances is crucial to avoid any nasty surprises further down the line.

“Make sure that you are always including your partner in any money conversations,” recommends Gigante. “Try to always run things through them, even if it’s just to sound-proof what was already decided or planned for.

“Always go back and check with your partner because at the end of the day, they are the person who knows you the best personally and are going to have an impact on the savings, investments or plans that you have.”