Rogue Trader: The week ahead ...

Monday

It's local democracy week - which is great because it means that less than 30 per cent of us have to participate. Also it's TUC week in Brighton, with Stephen Byers getting a roasting over the maximum hours directive. Further along the coast, up a creek near Southampton, it's the boat show. At least they've got a paddle. Finals from Photobition. The company provides giant video screens, such as those we will all be seeing rather a lot of around the time of Millennium New Year. This comes on top of the rising trend of the world's petty tyrants (eg, company CEOs) to display themselves on vast screens whenever they appear in public.

Tuesday

Brother Blair to address TUC conference celebrating the end of unemployment having just banked a pounds 2m cheque from David Sainsbury (slogan: it's so fresh! it's so clean!). Half the unemployed have now been re-profiled as Sainsbury shelf-stackers. The other half work flipping hamburgers in Burger King (prop: Gerry Robinson, who is also a major backer of New Labour).

Wednesday

UK August wages figures. Likely to show wages lagging behind price rises, even at the target 2.5 per cent. General Strike thought to be unlikely, however. Interims from Ruberoid, Fulmar, Oxford Glycosciences and Robotic Technology Systems. A good day if you are interested in what Glycoscientific Robots are wearing these days.

Thursday

UK retail sales figures. Interims from Geest, the one-time banana company which has pushed fruit into the background in order to concentrate on the "chilled food" market. This continues to boom despite all logic, taste or sanity.

Friday

British Society of Gerontology meeting in - where else? - Bournemouth.