Indoor: Don't junk it - use it

Have you bought your Christmas tree yet? Well if you haven't, don't bother, for here is the solution for all your yuletide arboreal dilemmas. It is considerably cheaper than a tree, it takes up less space than a tree, it won't deposit pine needles all over your carpet, and it can be adjusted to leave exactly the right amount of space beneath its branches however many presents need to be piled there.

Start with a sheet of glossy gift-wrap. Lovers of conventional trees may find green an appropriate colour. My personal taste is for blue. Now cut out a tree of the required size. The recommended size is slightly smaller than that of the largest available space on your wall, after adjustment for the anticipated height of the pile of presents.

Affix the tree to the aforementioned wall space, using Blu-Tack, or double- sided sticky things. Decorate with fairy lights, attached to the tree in the same manner. Pile up presents. Have a very merry Christmas.