Whose choice is it, anyway?

No so long ago, children were told which secondary school they were going to, and that was that. But today youngsters want to be consulted, and to choose for themselves. What if parents don't like the chosen school? Celia Dodd looks at both sides of a dilemma

Today's children are used to making choices and getting their way. Before they can speak they're bombarded with advertisements for PlayStations, Action Man and yoghurt. Their mums ask them what they want for supper. They might even be included in consultations over family holidays. But when it comes to choosing a secondary school, it's different. With so much at stake, most parents find it hard to shake off the notion that they know best.

In the old days mums and dads took it upon themselves to choose secondary schools for their children. They assumed the decision was theirs. That still works for some families, but it is more likely to be met with outright rebellion from today's younger generation, who vote with their feet by messing up entrance exams or digging in their heels.

In any case, for most the issue is not so clear-cut. Parents want their children to have at least some say in where they go. The difficulty is how much. Alison Meadows, whose son Josh is in year six of a village primary near Huntingdon, in Cambridgeshire, is fairly typical. After looking at one private and two state schools in the area, she says: "I do listen to Josh's views, but I think it's too hard a decision for a child of 10 to make, and not just because it's a financial one. At that age they have no idea about the importance of passing exams and going to the right college or university. For a 10-year-old, it's 'How often can I play football' and 'Are my friends going?'"

Of course, it's easy to take your child's views into account if they happen to coincide with your own – tensions only arise when they don't. Parents who genuinely want their children to have a voice feel huge unease when the chips are down and they are forced to assert that they know best.

"I've got a conscience about this because I think it's important that my daughter goes where she wants and not where my partner and I feel she should," says Ralph Levinson, a lecturer in education who is considering four north London state schools with his daughter. "I think she is perceptive enough to know the school that she would be happy in, and to think it through and make a sensible decision.

"At the same time I feel pretty strongly that the comprehensive my daughter favours at the moment is not the school for her, and I would be very unhappy if she chose it. So I feel that we are nudging her towards a comprehensive in which she hasn't got 100 per cent commitment."

In some families a much more subtle nudging goes on. "Middle-class parents often talk about involving their children, but when you probe it's clear that the children have been in a sense coached towards particular choices, sometimes for years," says Professor Stephen Ball, of the Institute of Education, who has conducted research into the issue. "The child says he wants to go to a particular school, but not on the basis of untrammelled free choice; it's actually the product of very sophisticated discussions in which parents are influencing their children massively."

By contrast, children in working-class families have much more influence over their parents. Other ways in which middle-class parents manipulate their children's views, according to Professor Ball, are by vetoing schools they see as unacceptable – often not even taking the child to open days – and presenting a selection of acceptable schools for the child to choose from.

And why shouldn't parents do this? Isn't it ultimately a parent's responsibility to get this right? That's the view of Anne-Marie Sutcliffe, the headmistress of Emmanuel School, an independent secondary school in south London, who says: "My impression is that these days many more children have quite a big say in where they go, but I'm not sure it's wise. I feel very strongly that it's too great a burden to put on a child of 10.

"Clearly you can't drag a child kicking and screaming to a school he doesn't want to go to. But a choice made purely on what appeals to a child on an open day, or whether their friends are going, is not a very good basis for a decision that could last for eight years. I tell parents that children have got to have someone to blame if it goes wrong."

It's surprising how many sixth-formers agree with her when you ask them to look back – even if they thought they knew best when they were in year six themselves. To a 10-year-old the prospect of being separated from best friends can be heartbreaking – it can matter more than anything in the world. So can the idea of being packed off to a private school and being labelled posh for ever. Sporty or drama-obsessed children can be too easily seduced by fabulous facilities – never mind that the chemistry teaching is hopeless.

Parents – and sixth-formers – have the advantage of a longer view. They know that passions for sport or drama may fade and that schools' strengths fluctuate. They know – or think they know – that their children will make new friends and very probably keep their old ones (a huge bonus in the rocky teenage years).

Mrs Sutcliffe shares the view of many parents that friendships should not be allowed to dominate the equation. "Children often strike out on their own once they get to secondary school, even if they do come with friends," she says. "If parents allow them to make the choice to go with one little group, that can actually inhibit their social development."

But the huge advantage that most parents don't have – and children do – is inside information. The children know, from talking to local secondary-school pupils – often their friends' older siblings – which schools have a reputation for bullying or disruptive behaviour, where the good teachers are, and which schools feel right for them. This is an advantage parents can only match by endlessly quizzing other parents.

That adds weight to the argument for giving children an official say in the decision-making process, which some researchers believe is long overdue. Professor Miriam David of Keele University, whose research into choosing secondary schools concluded that it is largely a mother's responsibility, believes that there should be a place on transfer forms for year six pupils to specify their preference.

"We make children legally responsible for various criminal actions yet we don't allow them a formal say in which school they go to," she says. "I don't think it's too big a decision for them. On the contrary, it would be good for their education to start thinking about where they want to be and what they want to be doing. It's an educational decision: you learn about education and what it's all about through having a say in that process."

education@independent.co.uk

'If i hadn't made my own decision i would have felt unhappy'

Kerris Macauley, a PR account director, and her husband Mark Leak, a sports studies lecturer, have two children, Storm, 11 and Max, 9. Storm has just started at the comprehensive she chose herself, Witchford Village College in Cambridgeshire.

"From an early age Storm was very clear which schools she didn't want to go to," says her mother. "Although there are two excellent independent schools nearby and she knows children who attend, she didn't even want to considerthem.

"I felt it would have been inappropriate and unfair not to take Storm's views into consideration. You can't ride roughshod over kids these days and just say, 'That's where you're going'. That undermines everything that's gone before. Most parents now raise their kids to express their views.

"But we did have some reservations about Witchford. Some things were a bit scary. We were a bit worried about the GCSE pass rate, and the school had bashed-in lockers and stuff – although there were plus points, like the art and sport. We looked at several other schools in the hope we would sway her, but Storm wouldn't come. She was determined – it was: 'I'm not going anywhere but Witchford, and that's that.'

I felt it was a question of either letting her go where she'd be with her friends, who are a really nice group, and hoping that if she's happy she'll do well, or hoiking her into a system where she wouldn't know anyone and be desperately unhappy. So she got her way, with the proviso that if she didn't work hard we'd look at moving her or hiring tutors.

"If Mark or I had really strong feelings against the school she wouldn't have gone. We would have explained why, rather than just saying, 'This is where you're going, it's our decision'. If you do that there can be a lot of resentment, and you can end up with a situation where your child is not going to achieve anything."

Storm Macauley-Leak, 11: "I always wanted to go to Witchford because my friends were going there. On the open evening I went with them and their older sisters and really liked it. I'm quite sporty and it's got great facilities and it's getting sports-college status.

I'd heard bad things about other schools from somebody's brother or sister – that there was bullying and loads of people were smoking. So I didn't want to go to any of them.

"My parents told me it was my decision as long as it was a school they were happy with – we didn't argue about it. I don't think I'm too young to decide. If I hadn't made my own decision I would have felt unhappy and uncomfortable. Going with friends has made it much easier, and I've made loads of new friends too."