Hot and bothered Britain

Every year we're surprised by summer - surprised by sunburn, holiday traffic and hosepipe bans. But most of all, every year without fail, we're surprised by the heat, says Decca Aitkenhead

The temperature on the Amersham platform of the London Underground's Metropolitan Line reached 48C last week. "London passengers just love to sweat," breezed a London Transport spokesman. This is possibly because LT employs a unique air cooling system.

"It's called Open A Window," admitted the spokesman. "Not one London bus or underground train is equipped with air-conditioning. They all have heaters though, oh yes."

To fit air-conditioning in all of London Transport's buses and trains would cost about pounds 130m, he explained. "Not one single person has ever called us up to complain about the heat, or ask for air-conditioning. I can't think why people don't - if I were a member of the public and not a member of staff here, I'd be ringing up."

If the heatwave is the chief subject of conversation in Britain this week, then the scarcity of cooling systems in homes, offices, factories and on public transport is not far behind. Anyone forced to sit out the summer in a glasshouse office can be forgiven their fantasies of activating the sprinkler system and fleeing.

Air-conditioning was invented in America in 1911, but it is taking its time crossing the Atlantic. Only a staggeringly small number of commercial buildings have installed systems, and domestic air-conditioning is almost unheard of. "You are really just talking about rich Arabs in London. Who else has got pounds 10,000 spare to spend on it?" said a spokesman for one supplier, Coolair.

Air-conditioning units appeared in Britain in the Fifties, but it was not until the commercial property market boom of the late Eighties that office workers began to expect them. The number of offices with air-conditioning installed is still only a tiny 3.3 per cent. If you are reading this at your desk in Wales, the chances of your being mechanically cooled are even lower, barely one in a hundred.

This has something to do with the fact that more than half of all the offices still in use across Britain were built before 1918. "They would not really have air-conditioning, would they?" observed a spokesperson for the Building Services Research and Information Association.

But the market is growing. Last year it was worth pounds 254m, up 8 per cent on 1993. This summer's big winners are the suppliers of portable air- conditioning units, saviours of sweaty office managers caught short by the heat. The largest supplier in the South-east, Heatbusters, has a slick emergency procedure laid down. Adverts urging overheated workers to "Call Heatbusters" are splashed across London.

"We get units out to people's workplace by the next day. The phones are jammed - we had a woman on the line last week in tears. She just wanted us to cool her down. This is an incredible year for us," gloats the companies general manager, Peter Simpson, down the line. You can almost hear him rubbing his impeccably unsweaty hands.

Away from the wonders of modern technology, in the great outdoors, the St John Ambulance is equally busy but less delighted. It treated some 270 people for heat-related problems at Wimbledon this year, in temperatures of over 30C. The three VE Day celebration days back in May were worse - more than 1,500 people needed medical attention for heatstroke and dehydration.

And few of us can jump in to our cars to escape. Air-conditioning remains a standard feature only at the top end of the luxury car market. Peugot and Daewoo are offering it in their cheaper models, but these are the exceptions. Installing air-conditioning in your family car can cost up to pounds 1,500 - a luxury clearly beyond the means of an agitated Automobile Association spokesman: "I was in a jam on the M25 for an hour last week, and I was soaked. I felt like I'd been in a Turkish bath.

"Stress levels increase behind the wheel in this heat, and drivers are more likely to lose their rag. A stressed-out driver is a very real danger," he advised, with feeling.

But in the face of this climatic high, not everyone is deep in depression. There is a rare ray of sunshine at the English National Ballet. Under Equity regulations, dancers cannot perform if the temperature drops below 66F. "We are thrilled to bits," chuckled a spokeswoman. "It could not be more ideal for us - we love it. The warmer the better."

Forecasters are already starting to predict a drop in temperatures. Equally predictable is the speed at which tempers will then cool. This is not the first heatwave to strike Britain, nor will it be the last. Like labour pains, the memory of our acute discomfort always departs before the suntan has faded. If we could only hold on to our indignation a little longer, perhaps next time the temperature rises, we might all be prepared to rise to the occasion.