Five years on, who are the new golden couple?

Tomorrow is the Beckhams' fifth wedding anniversary. Sadly, recent events have scraped much of the varnish from their image. Even sponsors seem disillusioned. Adrian Turpin rates the contenders to take on their mantle

Posh and Becks

Posh and Becks

The names ring a bell...

IS SHE POSH? No.

IS HE BECKS? Yes.

PUBLICITY-HUNGRY? Not as much as they were.

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: There's always Becks beer if they get desperate.

P&B RATING: Better the devil you know. *****

Wayne and Colleen

If you don't know who the Everton and England striker is, you must be a High Court judge. Rooney and his fiancée, Colleen McLoughlin have known each other since they were 12 and were last seen in OK! magazine, sandwiched (not literally) between Tommy Lee and Sir Elton John.

ARE THEY POSH? According to rival fans: "He's fat, he's Scouse, he wants to rob your house..." So that's probably a no. The burglary bit seems implausible, though, since Colleen and Wayne recently moved into a £1m love nest.

IS HE BECKS? Don't insult the boy's ball skills - although he does have "Colleen" tattooed on his arm.

PUBLICITY-HUNGRY? Press interest in the alleged fight at Colleen's 18th birthday party wasn't welcome. But for a "budding actress" most publicity can only help.

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: Wayne already has deals with Ford and Nike; his alleged resemblance to a spud may tempt Golden Wonder.

POSH & BECKS RATING: Well, no one thought of Shrek and Princess Fiona as a fairy-tale couple... ***

Tim and Lucy

She's that frosty-looking silent movie star who graces our screens for two weeks (well, almost) every year during Wimbledon. He's that scary tiger: grrrr...

ARE THEY POSH? Is the Royal Family German? Is Surrey landlocked? The only people in Britain posher than Tim and Lucy are Tim's parents.

IS HE BECKS? They share a propensity for going out in the quarter-final.

PUBLICITY-HUNGRY? Rearrange the letters of Lucy Henman and you find "Sly man muncher", but that's about as interesting as it gets. Tim seems a little bit more rock'n'roll in spirit when he declares on his website: "I like Robbie Williams", before adding, helpfully: "though I don't think I'm really like him."

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: Dunlopillo, Celestial Seasonings, Sleepytime Tea, Novocaine. Is it time for a Laura Ashley revival?

P&B RATING: They could do it one day. Next year, maybe. Or maybe the year after that. Or maybe... *

Diana and Jonny

TV presenter Diana Stewart met English rugby's golden boot while working as a barmaid in Newcastle.

ARE THEY POSH? Prince Harry did ask Jonny for his autograph during the Rugby World Cup.

IS HE BECKS? When fit, Wilkinson is almost as good as the England captain at putting the ball over the bar.

PUBLICITY HUNGRY? Hardly. Jonny is so shy that, he admits, "I cried once at school when I was picked to do a presentation in assembly." Diana has been described as an "intensely private model and actress".

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: Like Becks, Wilkinson has taken the Adidas shilling. The French gay website, Mon Choix, recently described him "le viagra du rugby anglais." Are you listening, Pfizer?

P&B RATING: If Tim and Lucy go under a bus, Jonny and Diana possess all the charisma needed to fill the void. *

Ed and Yvette

Gordon Brown's chief economic adviser, Ed Balls, is married to Yvette Cooper, a middle-ranking government minister. They are often referred to as Labour's golden couple (the golden Balls).

IS SHE POSH? Cooper has been nicknamed "Miss Selfridge" by jealous MPs. She must have found it hard to share her husband with his domineering, dour Scottish boss. Now who does that remind you of?

IS HE BECKS? Ed, a keen footballer, would like to think so.

PUBLICITY HUNGRY? Happiest at home in Yorkshire with their two children. But do you think that Balls has no idea how to spin?

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: Selfridges?

P&B RATING: Could do for post neo-classical endogenous growth theory what Posh and Becks did for sarongs. ****

Jemima and Hugh

The former Pakistan cricket captain Imran Khan announced last month that he and Jemima had divorced. According to the red-top press, Jemima's friendship with the actor Hugh Grant was the final straw.

IS SHE POSH? Jemima is the daughter of the late billionaire James Goldsmith.

IS HE BECKS? Beckham may have faced some torrid accusations about his private life this summer, but he hasn't been arrested in a parked car receiving oral sex from a prostitute.

PUBLICITY-HUNGRY? Recently photographed leaving Annabel's in Grant's chauffeur-driven Mercedes.

P&B RATING: Sadly, we've no real reason to believe that they're an item. If they were, though, they'd be the perfect celebrity couple. ****

Wills and Kate

In 2002, Prince William paid £200 to watch businessman's daughter Kate strut the catwalk at a charity auction in St Andrews. In April it was finally announced that they were a couple.

ARE THEY POSH? He is slightly posher than her. Who needs Beckingham Palace when one day you'll inherit the real thing?

IS HE BECKS? No tattoos to report yet but there's time.

PUBLICITY HUNGRY? Ask Arthur Edwards, the Sun photographer cold-shouldered by the palace for snatching pictures of the couple skiing at Kloisters.

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: Royal Sun Alliance, Royal Bank of Scotland, Royal Mail...

P&B RATING: He's Diana's son, she looks like a model, and the only competition within the family comes from Sophie and Edward, and Andrew and Louise MacBain. But will they stay the course? *****

Keira and Jamie

Keira Knightley's big breakthrough was - appropriately - Bend It Like Beckham. The 19-year-old actress is currently seeing 22-year-old Irish model Jamie Dornan, whom she met on a photo shoot six months ago.

ARE THEY POSH? Her mother is a playwright, her father an actor. Asked recently if she felt being a film actress cramped her love life, Knightley replied that the mystique disappeared the first time you farted in front of your partner.

PUBLICITY-HUNGRY? Jamie Dornan has done little publicly in this relationship except be seen buying a bed with Knightley.

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: Sealy Posturepedic mattresses. Phazyme anti-flatulence Soft Gels.

P&B RATING: Keira may yet move Jamie into her £1.5m Mayfair flat, but she's too young and too sensible to go the Posh route. **

Chris and Gwyneth

Gwyneth Paltrow and the Coldplay singer Chris Martin have been called the "anti-Posh and Becks".

IS SHE POSH? Camille Paglia called her a "preening, pampered princess who's been foisted on the public by a bi-coastal media cabal". Take that as you will.

IS HE BECKS? Beats us, but Gwyneth wore the trousers when she, allegedly, told Madonna what she could do with her kabbalah.

PUBLICITY HUNGRY? Don't mention the H-word in front of Gwyneth. Just don't.

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: Apple. (Their daughter's name.)

P&B RATING: If Britain were ready for macrobiotic pop royalty, do you think Geri Halliwell would have backed off? **

Guy and Madge

When not whingeing about people walking across their Wiltshire estate, Madonna Ciccone and Guy Ritchie make music and films.

IS HE POSH? Apart from his rich father and even richer stepfather, Guy is just an average geezer.

IS SHE BECKS? Apparently not. In a recent VH1 poll of the greatest pop-culture icons, Beckham beat her into second place.

PUBLICITY HUNGRY? How many people do you know who have given both Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears a tongue sandwich?

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: The Ramblers' Association, Viz magazine.

P&B RATING: That right-of-way dispute may have soured the nation's love affair with them. **

Jude and Sienna

The only thing obscure about actor Jude Law is his first name. Sienna Miller is a different matter. Do you know what she does?

ARE THEY POSH? Jude's parents were teachers. But he is about to play Sebastian Flyte in Brideshead Revisited. (Still no idea who Sienna is.)

IS HE BECKS? Not with that receding hairline.

PUBLICITY-HUNGRY? When Sienna bumped into Jude's former wife, Sadie Frost, at Glastonbury last week, she hugged him elegantly for the cameras.

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: Ah. Apparently Sienna is a Pirelli girl.

P&B RATING: He's more talented; she seems more pushy. Familiar? ***

Elton and David

You cannot say that Sir Elton and his partner, David Furnish, do not know how to throw a party. In previous years, their charity White Tie and Tiara Ball has had a Gosford Park theme and a Russian one. The theme for 2004 (held last week) was imperial China.

ARE THEY POSH? Not so much posh as royal; even David's tempestuous video-portrait of their relationship could not tarnish their tiaras.

PUBLICITY-HUNGRY? Elton and David's latest ball included Elizabeth Hurley, Kelly Osbourne, Kylie Minogue, Gary Barlow, Ronan Keating, Sarah Ferguson, Kate Moss and Uncle Tom Cobbley. Only David and Victoria Beckham's previous engagements in Portugal kept them away.

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: Elton endorses other people, not vice versa.

P&B RATING: Don't make us laugh. Elton taught them everything they know. ***

Sven and Nancy

The indeterminately aged Italian property lawyer, Annunziata Dell'Olio, met a then-married Eriksson in 1998. They remain a much-photographed fixture.

IS SHE POSH? She certainly knows how to make an entry. She once appeared at a party wearing a cavewoman bikini suspended on a stick between two men.

IS HE BECKS? Different romantic style. Becks likes texting furiously; Sven leaves his shoes outside the door while being unfaithful.

PUBLICITY-HUNGRY? Not when secretly meeting Peter Kenyon.

POTENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS: Ikea? Volvo?

P&B RATING: Not as "fantastico" as Nancy might like. **