It's not just Nigel Farage: Al Murray the Pub Landlord loses South Thanet bid despite patriotic pledges

He had promised would-be constituents a British moon on a British stick

Friday 08 May 2015 11:24
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Al Murray looks shocked as he hears his 318 votes won't be enough to return him to Parliament
Al Murray looks shocked as he hears his 318 votes won't be enough to return him to Parliament

Ukip leader Nigel Farage may have lost his bid for South Thanet in the election - but he's in good company.

"Joke vote" Al Murray - a comedy character representing the party FKUP - also lost his chance to become an MP.

Murray only won 318 votes, despite a super-patriotic manifesto.

Promises included revaluing the pound at 10p, so people would be better off, to put Boris Johnson on an island, to brick up the Channel Tunnel, and put a British moon on a British stick.

Nigel Farage said he had 'never been happier' after losing in Thanet South

Tory Craig Mackinlay won the seat with 18,838 votes, while Farage came second with 16,026.

Farage argued that his defeat wasn't as bad as some thought, saying: "I saw Ukip, the party apparently for the retired old colonels suddenly as the party for people under 30: particularly young working women.

Murray's pledges sounded similar in tone to those of Ukip, and he launched his election bid saying he was just another normal bloke, "waving a pint around".

Here are a selection of the party's promises. South Thanet, you had a near miss.

The pound in your pocket

"The pound will be revalued at one pound 10p, so it will now be worth 10p more. Common sense."

The NHS

"If you come to A&E and it's neither an accident nor an emergency then you will be sent to a random hospital department to be practised on. Common sense."

Foreign Policy

"Germany has been too quiet for too long. Just saying."

Immigration

"Of course the reason they are coming here is because this is the greatest country in the world. The only way to stop them is for a government to change that and make things a whole lot worse. Look no further. However, in the meantime, we brick up the Channel Tunnel. With British bricks. Probably have to get some Poles in to do it. Common sense."

Education

"I believe the children are the future and there's no way you'll get me knocking teachers. Teachers are on the front line, the coalface. Doing their bit to create a level playing field for our kids... although I'm not sure they're going about it the right way by making sure none of the kids can read and write. So, instead of a postcode lottery, a new improved Street Raffle will determine which schools your kids get in to. Common sense."

Scotland

"Alex Salmond to be made First Minister for Norwich, so he can get to understand what being ignored by the rest of the country is really like. Common sense."

Europe

"I pledge that the UK will leave Europe by 2025 and the edge of the Solar System by 2050. Common Market sense. In the meantime Greece to be bought and operated by Kent County Council. Couldn't be worse. Someone to do the bins at least."

The environment

"Boris Johnson to be put on an island. He keeps saying that's what he wants."

Corporations and globalisation

"Blah blah blah blah blah paradigm blah blah blah, blah blah dialectic blah blah blah blah blah blah game-changer."

Homes for hard-working families

"Build some houses, but without bringing down house prices. How hard can it be?"

Defence

"National Service, but only for people who don't want to do it."

Law and Order

"Unemployment causes crime: I propose to lock up the unemployed. Common sense."

On Local issues

"South Thanet to be made the new capital of the UK. Demilitarised zone to set-up between North and South Thanet."

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