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Kate Moss turns music journalist to review friend George Michael's new album
Read the British supermodel's first foray into the world of music journalism
Kate Moss is a woman who has attempted many talents.
The most successful of which have been fashion-based. Having the iconic face of a generation, looking great on a catwalk, whacking her name on a slightly more expensive Topshop line and promptly selling it out, that sort of thing.
Her musical career, however? Well, it just never quite took off.
There were a number of slightly uncomfortable moments when she teetered onto the stage to join then-boyfriend Pete Doherty for a sing-song with Babyshambles. She does indeed appear on the writing credits for tracks “You Talk” and “French Dog Blues”. She sang in the chorus of Primal Scream’s “Some Velvet Morning”, performed with Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour, and appeared in The Lemonheads’ 2009 track “Dirty Robot”.
And then there was the questionable spoken word sample used by Canadian DJ Brendan Fallis in his baffling, sax-filled (we said sax) electronic track, “Day And All Night”.
On paper, it’s not a bad run of credits. In reality, it’s a pretty bad run. So, like every frustrated musician, whose image of themselves straddling a microphone stand and belting out rock anthems doesn’t quite measure up, she’s done the next best thing: turned to music journalism.
Moss has penned her first ever review as a critic. And while it’s not a completely appalling first attempt, we will point out that she has fallen at the first hurdle by 1) Choosing to review her very good mate George Michael’s new record and 2) Writing the whole thing in first person, a bit like a sycophantic diary entry about her very good mate George Michael’s new record.
“The doorbell rings. It's 8.45pm on a miserable Tuesday night and I open the door to find George Michael standing outside (I knew he was coming),” she writes in the opening line for Vogue.co.uk.
“He has his new album, Symphonica, in his hand and I'm excited. Like many of my generation, I grew up with his music - his was the first album I ever had, when I was about eight and it feels like he has always been part of my life.
“I'm on my own in the living room; I press play and as soon as the orchestration of the opening track fills the room, the hairs on my neck stand on end and I already know that I'll love this version of Through - even before he begins to sing.”
So, you know... There’s not much point reading on any further, because she’s just told you she likes it before she’s even heard it. But then you’d miss musings like this:
“You've Changed feels fragile and honest; it almost makes me cry. For me, it's the vulnerability, openness and richness of his voice that does it. The depth of where that comes from touches you in a place that you can't even begin to understand and all of a sudden it's not just a song anymore; it becomes an emotion and it takes you into another dimension. That's George's voice.”
You’d miss constant – and consistently baffling – interjections from Moss’ husband Jamie Hince of The Kills, during which he insightfully informs us he “listens to music”:
“My husband Jamie walks into the room and sits down. Does he listen to the lyrics or the music? ‘I listen to the music,’ he says. ‘And with George, there's also something about his voice that's so idiosyncratic that you know it's him straight away. He's got that thing with his voice that's kind of crazy. He's in that tradition of Sinatra, Johnny Cash and Elvis.’”
She goes on to talk about being young, growing up dancing around to Wham! and hanging out with George Michael at the Olympics, just in case you’d missed the part where she mentioned they were friends. Here it is again:
She also reels out muso clichés like a seasoned pro, with plenty of “classic masterpieces”, “better than the original”s and… Being more “real” than Roberta Flack:
“George's version of "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" is so special. Not only is it an amazing song, it's a stunning vocal performance too that I hear a kind of vulnerability in his voice and you can't fake that. When Roberta Flack sang this song there was that same feeling, but with George, you know it's different and real.”
And then she concludes the whole thing with a big, wet, fully capped up: “I LOVE YOU GEORGE!”
No, she probably shouldn’t give up her day job (it’s pretty lucrative, as it happens). But we’d defy Mr Michael to find a better endorsement in the pages of NME this week. Or anywhere. Ever again.