Hatcher targets the Sport with a passion

The Daily Sport is no stranger to stories you couldn't make up, so it's ironic to find it at the heart of one of the more surreal legal cases in recent times.

Teri Hatcher star of Desperate Housewives, is to sue the red-top over a report published in July under the headline: "Teri's Passion Wagon."

According to Hatcher's solicitors, Schillings, the article in question " falsely alleged that she engages in sex romps on a regular basis, with a series of men in a VW van parked outside her LA home for this purpose".

They add: "Ms Hatcher is a single mother who naturally takes pride in protecting and bringing up her daughter at home in a caring and responsible way, and bitterly refutes these offensive allegations."

The Manchester-based paper - sample headline: "WW2 bomber found on moon"- was standing by its story yesterday.

Unless it backs down, the case will end up at the High Court next summer. Book your seats!

* An unlikely double-act was spotted dining together in the Houses of Parliament yesterday. Keith Vaz, the magisterial Leicester MP, took a working lunch with the Hollywood action hero, Jackie Chan, right.

Apparently, Chan had arrived in the UK a day early on a visit to pick up a "diversity" award from the Next Step Foundation, of which Vaz is president. The two men are now best of friends.

"We couldn't believe our eyes," reports one rival MP. " Everyone knows Vaz has friends in high places, but this takes the digestive. I'm very jealous. He was surrounded by autograph-hunting MPs."

Says Vaz's office: "Keith was giving Jackie a bit of a treat before tomorrow's awards. They went on a tour of Parliament, and it cause a bit of mayhem."

* Boris Johnson trousered £50,000 for public speaking engagements last year, but not all his extra-curricular bookings go according to plan.

The Political Cartoon Society has been banned from allowing Johnson to host its annual awards next month after the sponsor, The Economist, refused to let a rival magazine editor in on the occasion.

"Last year we had Michael Portillo, and this time we wanted Boris," says the society's spokesman. "But then The Economist came round and said they didn't want him, or any other politician, to do it."

"We've spent the last year chasing people like Andrew Marr and John Sergeant, and even Stephen Fry. But they're all busy, so we've ended up with The Economist's deputy editor Emma Duncan. Yes, it's a slight disappointment. "

* Patrick Stewart's decision - first revealed here - to boldly return to his native UK after 14 years in Hollywood has caused something of a professional headache. The Star Trek actor, who was born in Yorkshire, enjoyed his recent West End appearance so much that he's decided to set up home in London.

But in shipping possessions to his new Thames-side pad, Stewart has managed to misplace the fully-annotated script for his new play, A Christmas Carol. Since it's due to open in under a fortnight, he's now in quite a panic.

"I've gone and lost my script in the move," he tells me. " Three containers arrived from California yesterday, so there's a chance it's in England, but I've no idea where."

What's to be done? "I've been reduced to going through a copy of the original Dickens book, marking it with a highlighter."

pandora@independent.co.uk