Bins, heating, switching off the lights: Top household arguments for couples revealed

Here's the full list of what can drive us into a white hot rage when living with a partner

The world can be a complex and horrifying place, so finding a partner and eventually carving out a serene and tranquil home together is a warranted response – until that illusion is shattered by the realisation that the other person is physically incapable of switching off a light, or of picking up their own underwear. So then you're back to square one – but angrier now.

A new poll of 2,000 co‑habiting adults suggests Britain’s fiercest domestic battles (within non-abusive relationships) aren’t fought over society's grand issues, but instead over the heating settings, TV volume and the elusive art of stacking the dishwasher correctly.

Other flashpoints include finishing the milk without mentioning it, cramming yet more rubbish into the already‑overflowing bin, and abandoning shoes in the middle of the floor.

The poll also pitted men and women against one another in terms of evaluating whether they emerged victorious from an argument or had to admit defeat.

It won't wash if you put it in like that (Getty/iStock)

It found that while 40 per cent of both men and women claimed they tend to reach a compromise, 29 per cent of men considered themselves to be the winner the majority of the time, with just five per cent saying it was usually their partner who emerges victorious.

Meanwhile, 19 per cent of women claimed they usually had the last word, with a matching five per cent saying it's usually their partner who wins the argument.

Does this all add up? Of course not, but arguments rarely adhere to logic and precision. Arguments are, however, a practically unavoidable part of living with another person, and how we handle conflict is an integral part of maintaining a healthy relationship.

Annah McCurry, a doctoral researcher at St Andrews University, whose work focuses on the role of emotion in intimate conflict, told The Independent: "This list is full of unavoidable tasks: the bins have to get emptied, the dishes have to get clean, the toilet paper definitely has to get replaced! Lots of unavoidable tasks means lots of opportunity for annoyance and conflict. Conflict is a natural part of people living together.

"The presence of conflict doesn’t mean that a relationship is doomed. What’s important is how conflict gets addressed and resolved."

She added: "Our research has shown that one way to reduce conflict and prevent little arguments from escalating is to simply take a 5-second break. If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed and you want to shout at your partner, pause. Breathe and think about the fact that you are talking to someone you love."

I knew we didn't need two sofas (Getty/iStock)

Experts have also said how we argue can also have a broader impact, not just on the couple, but also on other family members, especially children.

"Occasional conflict between couples is a natural and relatively normal part of relationship dynamics," said Gordon Harold, professor of the psychology of education and mental health at the University of Cambridge.

"It is not so much whether couples argue on occasion, rather how arguments are expressed and managed that matters in terms of positive or negative outcomes. Where conflicts occur frequently, go unresolved and are blame-directed, individuals and couples can experience multiple negative outcomes. Where conflicts can be managed constructively, resolved effectively and where blame can be avoided, most individuals and couples can adapt and function positively."

In terms of better managing our approach to domestic conflict, Professor Harold told The Independent: "Recognising situation inducing factors may help avoid or better manage conflict eliciting triggers or behaviours. Focus on understanding factors that may be causing the behaviour/actions and work toward constructively resolving the issue rather than singling out one individual for blame (e.g. “ you always … etc”).

Who controls the thermostat? Energy company Utilita says turning the heating down by 1 degree could save households over £100 a year (Getty Images)

"Children whose parents constructively manage relationship conflicts, resolve issues without acrimony and where constructive communication is a feature of conflict related management and resolution strategies evidence a multitude of positive developmental outcomes."

He said this includes prosocial behaviour, positive interpersonal relationship dynamics, as well as enhanced mental health and well being.

The polling was done by UK energy firm Utilita, which has staked out where it stands on the great thermostat debate by firmly siding with men who want a cooler home: the poll found 29 per cent of women claimed to have the final say over the thermostat setting, compared to 15 per cent of men.

"But this is likely to lead to hotter homes, as 41 per cent of women admitted they prefer the temperature warmer than their partner does," the company warned.

"Turning the heating down by one degree can save the average household more than £100 a year," they added.

Alright, alright, we hear you.

Top 30 couples’ household arguments

1. Leaving the lights on in unoccupied rooms: 23 per cent
2. What temperature to have the heating: 19 per cent
3. Not doing the fair share of the chores: 18 per cent
4. Leaving shoes in the middle of the floor/in the doorway: 17 per cent
5. What volume to have the TV: 16 per cent
6. Squeezing rubbish into an already full bin rather than emptying it: 16 per cent
7. Not taking items which have been left on the stairs up when you walk past: 16 per cent
8. Using up the last of something like the milk/ toilet roll and not saying anything: 15 per cent
9. Not changing the empty toilet roll when the last of it is used: 15 per cent
10. Leaving dirty washing on the floor: 14 per cent
11. At what temperature the heating should come on: 14 per cent
12. Leaving dirty plates next to the dishwasher rather than in it: 13 per cent
13. How to stack the dishwasher: 13 per cent
14. Leaving toilet roll cores anywhere but the bin: 13 per cent
15. Leaving the dishes to soak rather than just washing them up: 12 per cent
16. Whether the toilet seat should be up or down: 12 per cent
17. What to have for dinner: 11 per cent
18. Phone use at the dinner table: 11 per cent
19. Someone leaving plates/glasses in their bedroom: 10 per cent
20. Slamming doors: 10 per cent
21. Emptying the bins but not putting in a new bin bag: 10 per cent
22. Leaving hair in the plug hole: 9 per cent
23. Leaving recycling next to the bin rather than in it: 9 per cent
24. Fighting over the TV remote/what to watch on TV: 8 per cent
25. Moving a phone charger from its expected location: 8 per cent
26. Leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor: 8 per cent
27. Eating the last biscuit/chocolate: 8 per cent
28. Taking too long in the shower and using all of the hot water: 8 per cent
29. Hogging the bathroom: 7 per cent
30. Who is going to take the bins out: 6 per cent