Brown gets the brush-off: women don't want to join Gordon's gang

Serious newspapers were embracing gibberish last week, as news emerged that Gordon asked Fiona to be a part of his goat, and Fiona turned him down. Some said she was put out that Gordon had asked Lorraine first, and only asked Fiona when Lorraine said no.

This is the latest news about Gordon Brown, who is putting together something called a "government of all the talents" that consists of asking all the most popular children to be in his gang. First he persuaded Digby Jones, who had never been asked to be in a real gang before, so he joined. But he had less luck with the girls. Lorraine Kelly said no. Then he approached Fiona Phillips to be a minister in charge of children, or knitting, or something like that. What on earth can have made her say no?