Election Diary

Good day

Good day

Tessa Jowell, the Culture Secretary, who emerged from the election shadows to front a Labour healthy eating launch.

Bad day

David Davis, who was asked at the Tories' press conference if he was more likely to be Home Secretary on 6 May or an ex-MP. "That's barely deserves comment" mumbled Mr D, who is nursing an ultra-slim majority of 1,900.

Lie detector

Tony Blair, who declared that he didn't use fake tan, despite his Kilroy-Silk-style orange appearance. Apparently, it was just the result of a weekend working in the garden. Evidence of global warming?

Election of the day

Bookmakers William Hill reported that flutters on the papacy had even exceeded bets on the result of the 5 May poll.

Déjà vu

The Tory slogan "Are you thinking what we're thinking" rang a few bells. Turns out the far right Belgian party Vlaams Blok had the slogan "We zeggen wat u denkt" (We're saying what you're thinking) in 1991.

Spin-free day

Michael Howard, whose helicopter failed to take off. He had to take the train to Peterborough.

Lion's Den of the day

Charles Kennedy will implement his own "masochism strategy" when he faces the press for a second time on the party's plans to replace council tax. Insiders said Mr Kennedy, who failed to remember details of the plans at his manifesto launch, has been undergoing "intensive briefings".

Gaffe of the day

The Liberal Democrats, who started their health launch with a round of sausage sandwiches for the hacks. Very healthy.

Quote of the day

"Not on your nelly" - Charles Kennedy, when asked if he would form a coalition with Labour.

Q&A

1: Which party leader was likened to rock revivalists The Darkness; which was likened to Keane; and which to Oasis?

2: Who said: "He was exhausted after one day looking after the boy. How does he think mums feel who do it day after day?"

3: Which party's manifesto is proposing to issue a 99p coin.

Answers

1: Michael Howard, in an NME poll, was likened to The Darkness, Charles Kennedy to Keane and Tony Blair to Oasis.

2: John Prescott on Charles Kennedy.

3: The Monster Raving Loony Party, which says the measure will save change.