K.I.S.S.I.N.G. The art of the conference smooch

1. The Goldfish (Ed Miliband and Justine Thornton)

This is what happens when you shut your eyes before puckering. It's very real. It looks passionate. It breathes romance. It leads to screams of "Get a room!"

2. The Interlocking Jigsaw (David and Samantha Cameron)

A Hollywood-star kiss. It says, "I will kiss under your lip while you kiss over mine. There's nothing in my contract about tongues."

3. The Tired Eskimo (Nick and Miriam Clegg)

Mr Clegg, here oddly resembling Mel Gibson, tries to bury his whole face in his wife's, as though seeking a nice fleshy pillow for his terminal weariness.