Village People: 30/01/2010

Afghanistan über alles for German press corps

*I hate to make cheap humour from national stereotypes, but the German media were true to form at Thursday's Afghan conference in London, featuring Hamid Karzai and David Miliband.

Journalists arriving at dawn at the press tent in Green Park were taken aback to find a row block booked for the German media, while hacks from nations less renowned for punctuality were forced to sit on the floor or stand. There were even German flags ostentatiously on display. The press room had opened at 5am, giving rise to a suspicion that the Germans moved in under cover of darkness. The only thing they did not do was lay beach towels. The US media also made an early block booking, but that caused less resentment because US troops are dying in large numbers in Afghanistan. That cannot be said of the Germans.

Fortuitous Flook is friend to Goldsmith

*No surprise that the former Attorney General, Lord Goldsmith, needs a press spokesman to help him through his gruelling appearance at the Iraq inquiry. Interesting, though, that he should hire a former Conservative MP, Adrian Flook. Mr Flook's parliamentary career lasted only four years, but he is vividly remembered in the Village as the MP who advertised in a magazine for a wife. Or rather, misremembered. The story is a myth. What he did was answer a questionnaire by saying he was single and would like to marry, but it was a fortuitous misunderstanding, because a year later, in 2003, he married, and is now a dad.

Why British law is a bastard to a love child

*Last week, Parliament's Joint Committee on Human Rights suggested that the law that bars heirs to the throne from marrying Roman Catholics may be a breach of the European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR). Gordon Brown has hinted that he agrees.

That is not the only point at which the ECHR collides with our class system. It is not widely known that the UK has never signed up to the ECHR in its entirety. We are exempted from a section which protects the rights of children of unmarried parents. We insist we must be allowed to discriminate against bastards, because it is important to the aristocracy.

In the early 1990s, the former Tory MP Colin Moynihan fought a long fight in front of the Privileges Committee of the Lords to prove that his half-brother, Lord Moynihan, was a bigamist, so his half-brother's son, Daniel, could be declared illegitimate. Thus, Uncle Colin secured the family seat in the House of Lords. Had the ECHR applied, the title would have passed to Daniel.

There is a much bigger issue at stake. What would happen if – perish the thought – Prince William (below) were to get a girlfriend pregnant? Under ancient laws, reinforced by the 1700 Act of Settlement, William and his girlfriend would have to hurry down the aisle, or little Fitzroy would not be in the line of succession.

If the ECHR applied to the Royal Family, a bastard could ascend the throne for the first time since the Norman Conquest. Norman Baker, the Liberal Democrat MP, sees nothing wrong with that. "The law that applies to everyone else should apply to the Royal family," he says. He has been bombarding the Department of Justice with questions about the legal position.

Just think how different history might have been if the ECHR had applied in the court of Henry VIII.