Weather wise

FLOODING and mudslides in Ecuador have killed 214 people and left 42 missing in the past six months; civil defence officials blame El Nino. A drought in Brazil threatens to starve ten million; meteorologists attribute it to El Nino. Major floods are predicted for South China this summer; according to the Xinhua News Agency, this is "partly owing to El Nino".

On Saturday, a spokesman for the Los Angeles County Department of Health said: "As we go into the summer we may expect an increase in rats because of the El Nino weather conditions." And there's another worry too: killer bees. "The Africanised honey bees are coming because the rains have caused the desert to bloom."

A new game is storming the world. Anyone can play "Blame It On El Nino": all you need is a modicum of meteorology and a good imagination. Why was the first test match against the West Indies washed out? El Nino related downpours. Why were all the other tests so exciting? Because the El Nino related drought caused cracked and unpredictable pitches.

Why did Arsenal win the Premiership? Low pressure areas of damp, warm air, created by El Nino and carried by the Gulf Stream, dumped their rains on Manchester, casting depression over the area and letting the London side sweep past United.

And why do weather forecasters sometimes get things wrong? Well I blame El Nino. You can never tell what it's going to be blamed for next.