Stormy Daniels book: The seven most shocking revelations from new book about alleged affair with Donald Trump

Trump's famous comments about Ivanka after being hit on the backside with his own face are not even the most bizarre claim from the book

Stormy Daniels’ bombshell book has finally arrived. And it has not disappointed those hoping for revealing details.

It is filled with a variety of shocking, bizarre – and mostly unverifiable – claims about the man who would go on to be president.

And it offers an insight into the life of the woman who would by strange coincidence come to be at the centre of a bizarre conspiracy that threatened to bring him down once he get the job.

After a day spent reading the book, here are some of the most shocking revelations and realisations to emerge from it.

The details of the alleged affair are very, well, detailed

Many of the things that Ms Daniels claims about the president in this book are too sordid to relate. She describes his genitals in truly harrowing detail, and doesn’t stop there.

If you have ever wanted to know about Trump’s body hair, about the precise size of his body, his sexual technique or his interests, then this is the book for you. Ms Daniels’ fills out her claims about her affair with Mr Trump with every piece of information you never knew you needed: including sexual positions and methods.

But despite those sordid details, Ms Daniels doesn’t actually detail how they came to have sex. She says he took his clothes off, and was waiting – and then just says “here we go”, before describing the sex as “an out-of-body experience”. We don’t hear how that one, strange, thing led to another.

And so are the other claims about Trump

If you thought it was just bizarre sex stories you were going to get, you’re in luck. (Or very much out of it, depending on what you’re after.) Stormy claims to have plenty of other information about the president.

She says, for instance – in a discussion that has now become universal in Trump books – that he knows his hair is ridiculous. But he doesn’t want to have it fixed.

She writes: “’Everybody talks about it,’ he said with an air of in-on-the-joke smugness. ‘It’s my thing. It’s my trademark. Plus, if I let this person do it, it will just piss off all these other people.’ ‘Well, why did you let him do it?’. I know a lot of people who would kill to do it. The best. The best of the best.’

There’s the smacking thing

At the book’s height – or, probably more accurately, its nadir – Ms Daniels describes the moment that Mr Trump tried to impress her by showing her a magazine with her face on the cover. It doesn’t work, and she suggests that he’s “insecure” for having to “brag about herself”, or that he might just be a “f***ing asshole”.

“He was so stunned, he just stood there,” she writes. ”I lowered my voice to growl, ‘Someone should take that magazine and spank you with it.’

“’You wouldn’t,’ he said in a quiet voice.”

She does. Or at least claims to.

And the Ivanka thing

There might only be one thing more bizarre than slapping the future president’s backside with a picture of himself. And Stormy and Donald managed to find it, she claims.

“But he turned, lowering his pants just enough for me to give him a couple of swaps. I got up and tossed the magazine on the side table with every intention of leaving. Because where do you go from that moment?

“This is what stopped me: he turned around and said, in a slow, appraising voice, ‘I like you.’ He fixed the belt of his pants and added, ‘You remind me of my daughter.’”

But she lets him off

Stormy leaps in immediately to say that this strange comparison with his daughter has been made to “sound sexual” by everyone, but that it was “not a creepy or sexual conversation”.

“It was not some perverted, ‘You remind me of my daughter. She’s so hot.’ No, it was, ‘You remind me of my daughter.’ And these were the exact words he added: ‘You’re smart, you’re beautiful. You’re just like her. You’re a woman to be reckoned with.’”

She does similar with the smacking – says that it’s a “power moment, not at all sexual”, and that it had come about because he was angry and she was shocked and neither of them would back down.

She knows exactly what you’re looking for

Every other major Trump book – Wolff, Omarosa, Comey – has convinced it’s a book about something else. Omarosa about her meteoric rise and her importance within the White House; Comey apparently deluded himself into believing people wanted to know his ideals, principles and feelings about management.

There’s none of that with Stormy Daniels. Straight from the off she knows that people are reading this for lurid details about Mr Trump. She doesn’t avoid writing about herself, but then wryly points out what has been going on all along.

“Okay, so did you just skip to this chapter?” she writes, about halfway into the book and as the alleged Trump affair arrives. ”Quick recap for those just joining us: my life is a lot more interesting than an encounter with Donald Trump. But I get it. Still, of all the people who I had sex with, why couldn’t the word obsess over one of the hot ones?

At another point, she writes: “The world is waiting to hear about his penis. I know, I know. [...] I am sorry to report it is not freakishly small.” I have to admit that I wasn’t waiting especially eagerly, but she’s definitely right about the fact that’s going to be one of the main (very unappealing) appeals of the book.

Before Stormy Daniels became involved with Trump, she had her own story

All of the books out of the White House have started somewhere else: with a long detour as their author tells you about their youth. Sean Spicer wittered on about his glorious childhood and James Comey waxed incessantly about his time as a young FBI agent.

Ms Daniels’ book does this too. But it is far more human, or at least appears that way. It’s not an attempt to justify or glorify but simply to explain: how a woman with little luck in life ended up at the centre of a scandal that threatened the presidency.

And the journey is quite fun: you learn about how the stripping and porn industries work, about Ms Daniels’ appearances in numerous Judd Apatow films, about her time on tour with metal bands. None of it is especially weighty or significant stuff, but that is why this could be the most fitting book of the Trump presidency: it is all strange, sometimes unseemly, scurrilous surface.