Seth Meyers reads out Trump’s entire rap sheet in breathless opening monologue
‘I’m sorry, but this guy is not a real person, he’s a glitching NPC from a video game’
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Your support makes all the difference.Seth Meyers did not waste any breath while reading out Donald Trump’s entire rap sheet after news broke he had become the presumptive GOP nominee after his rival, Nikki Haley, dropped out of the presidential race.
The host said that the Republican establishment has now “raced to line up behind four-time criminal indictee and insurrectionist Donald Trump” after Ms Haley’s departure, but that was not the only thing he had to say about the former president, who is hoping to take office in the White House for a second time.
In an almost minute-and-a-half monologue, Meyers reeled off a continuous list of things Mr Trump has done, has been accused of and has coming up for him, all the while still coming out on top as the presumptive Republican nominee.
“Presumptive GOP nominee for president, again, for a third time, despite the fact he is a twice-impeached, four-time criminal indictee and racist who’s been found liable for fraud and sexual abuse. Banned from doing business in the state of New York for three years. Owes over half a billion dollars in fines. Took millions from foreign governments while he was president. Tried to extort a foreign country to interfere in an election in 2020 and encouraged another to help him win in 2016,” Mr Meyers started, however, he did not stop there.
The host said that Mr Trump “actively undermined a nation’s response to a once-in-a-lifetime pandemic and let a deadly disease spiral out of control. Is about to go on trial for breaking campaign finance laws by paying hush money to cover up an affair during the 2016 campaign. Orchestrated a months-long coup attempt that culminated in a violent insurrection to disrupt the peaceful transfer of power and install him as an unelected dictator. Stole classified documents and obstructed attempts to get them back. Has never once won the popular vote and has been routinely rejected by a majority of Americans in election after election”.
At the point you may think Meyers has covered it all, he reminds us of many other bizarre Mr Trump moments.
Mr Trump “spews deranged conspiracy theories about everything from climate change to immigration, to vaccines to windmills. Glitches on three-syllable words, two-syllable words and one-syllable words, cheats at golf, can’t spell his own name, his wife’s name or the words ‘indicted’, ‘education’, ‘unprecedented’, ‘stolen’, ‘Denmark’. ‘Kentucky’ or ‘tap’,” Meyers said.
“And is on top of everything else, the single weirdest, most off-putting human being on the face of the f****** planet,” he concluded.
Meyers mentioned some recent events in the tale of Mr Trump, such as the various court cases he has been battling throughout his 2024 campaign, racking up millions of dollars in fines.
He also alluded to some past moments in Mr Trump’s political career, such as when he allegedly tried to get the Ukrainian president to dig up political dirt on Joe Biden, which led to his first impeachment.
Of course, the events leading up to and on January 6 were mentioned, which was followed by a federal investigation, with Mr Trump being charged with crimes connected to his alleged efforts to overturn the results of an American election.
Other charges were also mentioned, such as the ones about Mr Trump’s handling of classified documents at Mar-a-Lago.
Also included were Mr Trump’s various social media spelling mistakes and his recent blunders when saying words like “climate” at his rallies and campaign events.
Despite all of this, Mr Trump still prevailed against his Republican rival, Ms Haley, on Super Tuesday and is likely to be set for another face-off with President Joe Biden as the race to the White House continues.
“I’m sorry, but this guy is not a real person, he’s a glitching NPC from a video game,” Meyers declared.
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