Rory Burns and sickness-ravaged England still have the stomach for the fight

South Africa 284 & 272, England 181 & 121-1: The odds are firmly in the hosts’ favour but the tourists have given themselves a chance

There was a point, at about 2:06pm local time in Johannesburg, when you might have started wondering about the worst places to be ill enough that you need to know exactly where the nearest toilet is.

Planes are pretty bad, especially when the seatbelt sign is on. The London Underground, a hellish place to get anywhere in a hurry even for the right reasons, is maybe just as grim. Any transport, really. At the altar, too, especially when you're one of the headline acts. Always an awkward place to leave in a rush while apologising profusely.

How about – oh I don’t know – trapped in the open of a humid SuperSport Park watching Kagiso Rabada smoking your best bowler of the match over midwicket for six like he was hitting from a tee. Or maybe even earlier, when a debutant and a No.11 with a first class average of 15 in nightwatchman’s clothing combined for 18.1 overs in the morning to rack up a game-changing 91 – the highest partnership in the match at the time.

Maybe the worst was within that partnership. As Rassie van der Dussen offered a couple of free shots at his stumps with some frenetic running – shots which they were unable to take as he completed a maiden half-century on Test debut – perhaps England fielders yearned for the sweet relief of the Central Line to Hainault via Newbery Park. It would have been easier to stomach than Anrich Nortje hitting Stuart Broad for three fours in one over.

It is no secret this touring squad have been ravaged with a combination of fever, illness and a debilitating deficiency outside off stump. And while the third is endemic among this crop, the first two have been jumping around the XI at random.

On day one it was Ben Stokes, while alternates Chris Woakes, Ollie Pope and Mark Wood, along with two backroom staff, were officially put in quarantine back at the hotel. Upon arriving at the ground today, with South Africa holding a 175-run lead which they would improve to 375, Jos Buttler reported that he, now, was also unwell. Upon assessment from a medical team who can probably live off their overtime pay from the last month alone, he was pretty much ruled out of the day’s play. Jonny Bairstow took up his position behind the stumps.

An hour into the first session, Joe Root raced up the steps before a notification from the ECB came through over WhatsApp minutes later that now he, too, was struck down. The captain joined Buttler in a makeshift quarantine area in a room next to the away dressing room. Just 12 hours earlier, Root and Buttler were officially announced as recipients of MBEs from the Queen. Now they were beholden to a very different throne.

Root would return at 1pm for the sole purpose of fielding for 40 minutes so he could bat in the top six. He was visibly pained, almost vacant, one stage away from being propped up as some kind of “Weekend at Bernie’s” tribute. The tally of those affected by the bug is now 10 players and four backroom members.

England, at this point, were totally out of ideas. They insisted on bowling primarily short on a pitch that has rewarded fuller lengths. Jofra Archer managed five wickets but at a cost of 102 inside 17 overs. Broad and Stokes had a bit of a barney. No one covered themselves in glory.

A more effective tactic than any of their failed attempts to bowl South Africa out or stem the run flow might have been to get the sickest members of the squad to field around the batsmen, breathing the same air. Maybe even congratulating each of their boundaries – and there were a lot of them – with a French kiss.

That, really, seemed to be the only thing to concern South Africa as they walked onto the field to defend a target of 376. Seeing how England folded for 181 in the first innings, catching something from the opposition batsmen was surely the only risk in the final innings of the match. After all, no one has successfully chased a target of 350 or more in South Africa in 17 attempts.

What followed, though, was nothing short of remarkable. By stumps, 121 had been chipped off for the loss of just one wicket. Rory Burns (77 not out) and Dom Sibley (29) put on 92 for the first wicket, England’s highest opening partnership since Chennai in December 2016. Joe Denly (10*) then came in and helped steer it all home to safety, if only for one last night.

Joe Denly and Rory Burns remained together at the close (Getty Images) (Getty)

There were a couple of alarms, notably when Burns, on just 20, was dropped on 20 by Van der Dussen at first slip. On 64 balls, the Surrey left-hander brought up his eighth fifty-plus score in this format. In the last over of the day, on 74, a low edge skewed past Dean Elgar at first slip off the left-arm spin of Keshav Maharaj.

So somehow, here we are: 255 more to get on a pitch that has decided to calm down a bit against an attack who are wondering what on earth is going on.

You reading this might also be scratching your heads at how this team are showing such immaculate patience and nerve at a point when they can’t even trust their own bodily functions. And yep, why not talk about Headingley. But the situation at this stage was far more treacherous then: 156 for three on the penultimate evening, although with a lesser ask of 203 remaining.

One thing to keep an eye on is that today’s batsmen have, so far, been untouched by either ailment. And while an extra night of rest will give Root, Buttler and Stokes further time to recover, it also gives us another spin of the lurgy wheel which could see one of Burns or Denly in strife.

The odds are still in South Africa’s favour, and it would be a miracle for England to eclipse what they and Stokes managed against Australia to finish on top here after what has been a brilliantly engaging opening Test that the hosts have seen the best of.

But yet again, here was another example to add to the litany of nonsense – good and bad – that this Test team serve up on a regular basis. A team who started the day needing to be in sight of a toilet are, somehow, in sight of the unlikeliest of Test victories. Again.