Holding my breath for a call-up to the big-time

The Nurdler

Fast forward six weeks. The Wanderers is heaving, the tension deafening, as Shaun Pollock, the weight of an expectant nation bearing down on his shoulders, turns at the top of his run-up and prepares to bowl the last ball of the 2003 World Cup. One ball left, two runs required, one wicket needed. Pollock bowls, Barry Seebaran makes contact, the ball races towards the boundary and... Canada are the world champions.

In my fantasy World Cup final, Canada would knock off their target of 457 for the loss of three wickets with 10 overs to spare and Seebaran, a 30-year-old from Vancouver, wouldn't be required to bat, but I concede that may be stretching things too far. However, should Canada cause the greatest shock in sporting history I would treat their elevation from part-time to big-time with more than a touch of envy.

It could have been me out there. It could have been me hitting the last ball for four. And I would have got a suntan. If only I had alerted the Canadian selectors earlier. I can play for Canada. Sort of. My grandfather, on my mother's side, was Canadian, and the only thing stopping me from taking on Pollock is that I haven't told anybody. Then again, my lack of talent may be a problem. Then again, that hasn't held Ronnie Irani back.

Some may believe Canada, along with fellow ICC Trophy qualifiers Namibia and Holland, are in South Africa simply to make up the numbers, but that's what everybody said before Zimbabwe beat Australia in 1983. Then there's 29 February 1996 – the darkest day in West Indian cricket: Kenya 166, the Windies 93. Four years ago, it was Bangladesh's turn to rock the game to its foundations with victory over Pakistan.

And what about Eddo Brandes? Nobody had even heard of the Zimbabwean, let alone the fact he was a chicken farmer, until he plucked England's feathers with his seamers in '91.

So who will pick up the Brandes mantle this time around? In Pool A, the Dutch and Namibian hopes have been increased by the inclusion of World Cup no-hopers England in their half of the draw. For Holland's chances of posting a competitive total, much will depend on Sussex batsman Bas Zuiderent, who took fifty off England's attack as a precocious teenager in 1996.

Former Glamorgan and Somerset seamer Roland Lefebvre, who turned 40 on Friday, will lead the Dutch attack, but even he is outdone in the wily old bowler stakes by Namibia's Lennie Louw. Left-arm spinner Louw, 43, is Namibia's player-coach and the only member of their squad with first-class experience, although his last top-flight appearance was some 20 years ago.

Rudi van Vuuren will become the first man to take part in both the rugby union and cricket World Cups, having represented Namibia at fly-half in the oval-ball game and, as his country's new-ball bowler, he will be the man most likely to tell his grandchildren that he "once got Adam Gilchrist out". Of course, should Van Vuuren make an early breakthrough against the Aussies in Potchefstroom on 27 February Gilchrist could have racked up a 17-ball century by then. Zimbabwe will provide the Namibians' best hope of an upset, as the former's problems off the field will surely affect their displays on it.

In Pool B, Kenya's ageing line-up and Bangladesh's young tigers will do well to repeat their heroics in previous World Cups. For Kenya, much will once again depend on the performances of skipper Steve Tikolo and Maurice Odumbe, the ever-smiling destroyer of West Indies seven years ago.

Since being fast-tracked to Test status, Bangladesh have had a rough time of it, but in teenagers Alok Kapali and Mohammad Ashraful, Test cricket's youngest centurion, they have two batsmen of exceptional promise.

Canada's multi-cultural line-up has five players with first-class experience including John Davidson, Seebaran's spin-twin, who has just finished a successful season with South Australia. Canada 2003 should be better equipped than they were in 1979, when three thrashings included the ignominy of being skittled for 45 by England. Hang on a minute, I didn't get picked for that one either but then, as a seven-year-old, my off-spin was a little green. Still, there's always 2007...