Crime sheet: In keeping with Arsene Wenger's generous offer to restage an FA Cup tie with Sheffield United last month, Arsenal sources claim that Gunnersaurus is a superb ambassador for his extinct species and a professional mascot with an unblemished record. Sightings of this meteor- fearing beast pinned to the hallowed Highbury turf, having his face slapped by Ian Wright, the former Gunner, have been dismissed as light-hearted banter, and if unsubstantiated suggestions that Gunnersaurus once threatened to eat Leicester City's Filbert the Fox for breakfast within ear-shot of the Junior Gunner enclosure are true, it can only have been as the result of extreme provocation.
In mitigation, Your Honour: If, on rare occasions, Gunnersaurus has tested players' tempers, it can be explained by sheer over-exuberance. A roaring Arsenal fan, his desire to get involved in warm-ups understandably gets the better of him. Having watched the present Arsenal back four strutting their stuff though two ice ages, Gunnersaurus can surely be forgiven for believing he falls into the right age bracket to be given a run-out.
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