Outside Edge: Bacon and coffee? Brake fast

If it runs in the family, it runs very quickly in the Campbell clan. This weekend Don Wales, grandson of Sir Malcolm Campbell and nephew of Donald, will try to break his own British electric land speed record on Pendine Sands in Wales.

He set the mark at 137mph, and if he fails to break it his son Joe, 19, will have a go. The plan eventually is to reach 500mph, but that may take a few more generations yet.

Meanwhile Martin Bacon has been trying to get his Expresso car, a souped-up 1974 Rover SDI which runs on coffee grounds, to experience a caffeine rush ahead of his attempt on the Guinness world land speed record for eco-friendly gassification engines, 80mph (they were used in the Second World War but were notoriously slow).

And in Germany, police stopped Steffen Eggers on the motorway for travelling on skis with little wheels on them after he ran out of petrol. Perhaps he should have stopped off for a coffee instead.

3,100

Miles run by Mark Allison on his 100-day odyssey across the United States. The 40-year-old from Shotley Bridge in County Durham described himself as an "18-stone, obese Geordie who loved bacon sandwiches, football and pies" but had shed 5st when he arrived in New York. Time for a big apple.

Ewe must be joking... Shear lunacy

England may have triumphantly brought back the Ashes last winter but now they are going on a world tour. Cricket fanatic Stanley Johnson, who attended 230 Test matches around the world but died in New Zealand in December at the age of 72, left a request in his will for 15 friends to scatter his remains on various grounds around the world, with money to fund their travel.

Meanwhile it was lambs to the slaughter when Turkish football team Sivasspor welcomed the Serbian side FK Rad to their stadium. The home side sacrificed a sheep on the pitch before kick-off, with players smearing themselves in the entrails. This Turkish bloodbath led to a 4-1 win for Sivasspor, though the effectiveness of the offering may have had more to do with FK Rad's terror – they were cowering in the tunnel before the start – than divine intervention. They felt a little sheepish.

Good week

Oscar Pistorius, the South African paralympic sprinter, has become the first amputee to be selected for the World Athletics Championships.

Leonel Angel Coira, seven, from Argentina, has supposedly become the youngest player to sign a contract with Real Madrid, who made their move after rivals Atletico showed an interest.

Jason Mooney, the 22-year-old, 6ft 9in goalkeeper from Northern Ireland, has signed a one-year contract with Wycombe Wanderers having previously worked as a barman at the club.

Bad week

Diana Nyad failed to become the first person to swim from Florida to Cuba without a shark cage – aged 61 – throwing in the towel after 29 hours.

Liam Ridgewell, the Birmingham City defender, is being sued for £75,000 by wedding planner Jessica Birch after he called off his nuptials eight days before the ceremony was due to take place.

Texas Rangers baseball fans have been banned from performing the Mexican wave because it distracts the players – officials put up signs saying that offending children "will be sold to the circus".

Poor dog never had a spliff of a chance

Talk about running out of puff. Anthony Fowler, a 61-year-old greyhound trainer from Stockton-on-Tees, County Durham has been banned from keeping dogs for life after he was found guilty of injecting one of his hounds, Jake, with cannabis to make him run slowly in unlicensed races, and then when the odds on Jake winning had plummeted, he then gave him Viagra in order to make him "run his head off" and laying large bets on the reduced odds.

It is to be hoped that there are no sexual stimulants being ingested at this weekend's Bubble Buba Challenge in the village of Losevo in Russia, 100 miles outside St Petersburg. Some 800 competitors will take part in a race down the Vuoska river using inflatable dolls to keep themselves afloat. The idea came after a party at which all the women, sensibly, failed to turn up. Women do take part in the race, though they don't use male sex dolls because apparently they're too expensive. It can be dangerous; one little prick and they're in deep trouble.