The week ahead: 06/06/10

Today

I know it's for charity, but I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than watch Soccer Aid between England and the Rest of the World at Old Trafford. Saying that, I would pay good money to see "comedian" Patrick Kielty get a good kicking. Ditto Gordon Ramsay. Mike Myers plays, so chants of "you fat bastard" are allowed.

Tomorrow

Andy Murray gets back on the grass (let's hope he's not drug-tested) and begins the defence of his Queen's Club crown.

Tuesday

If you've bought tickets for the final day of the Second Test between England and Bangladesh, you're either (a) insane or (b) psychic. If it's the latter, what are Wednesday's Lottery numbers?

Wednesday

Fans (and they'll be lucky if it's plural) head for Russia versus England Saxons in the Churchill Cup in Colorado.

Thursday

As big fans of our columnist David Flatman, we've fingers crossed that the bald-headed Bath boy gets the nod as Martin Johnson announces his England team for the First Test against the Wallabies in Perth.

Friday

If you're Welsh, Scottish or Irish, you may need reminding that the World Cup kicks off. We start with the opposite of a humdinger as South Africa play Mexico in Johannesburg. Uruguay take on France in a much more interesting game.

Saturday

What this tournament needs is an out-of-sorts England scraping a 1-0 win over the United States, gaining revenge for 1950! Diego Maradona will be worth watching as Argentina face Nigeria.