Captain Moonlight: The Captain's Catch-up Service

WELCOME to the weekly news digest which puts that sense of wonder back into current affairs . . . Jacob Haugaard was elected a Danish MP after a campaign promising better weather, better Christmas presents and a following wind for cyclists . . . David Copperfield, an American who claims to be the greatest magician the world has ever seen, got stuck in a lift in Vienna and had to be cut free by firemen . . . A patient who shot dead the psychiatrist treating him for paranoia in Messina, Italy, said: 'He never liked me' . . . Stirling Moss took his driving test on his 65th birthday and failed it (dodgy three-point turn, driving too slowly on a dual carriageway) . . . Three men were saved by clinging to a blow-up sex doll they were delivering to a friend when their boat sank on a lake near Lima, Peru . . . Russia lost the use of its nuclear weapons for four hours after electricity to its missile command centre was cut off because of an unpaid bill . . . Mel Ednie, a Scottish gardener, broke the record for the heaviest onion with one weighing 12lb 4oz . . . and, finally, police alerted social clubs on Merseyside to watch out for a 'very plausible' conman who claims to be an organ-tuner to obtain cash. 'We are pulling out all the stops to warn people,' said a spokesman.