Cooper Brown: Planning the rally

My bust-up with Prince Harry has made the minor tabloids. One of them called me “a little known American journalist”. This is what I hate about the UK. I’m better known than the guy who wrote the piece, but he has to get all snarky on me because his life is a failure.

Victoria’s parents have read the story and the Dad went crazy. He rang me up and shouted down the line: “Who the hell do you think you are? No respect for this country. 10 years younger I’d punch your lights out... not welcome in our house.” I wasn’t really taking it all in, as I was amazed he knew how to use a phone. The guy is so stuck in the 1880s I just assumed he didn’t have one. To balance things up I got a text from Mulligan: “Gd wrk Coop. Sock it 2 the Germans.”

This little fracas has raised my profile and I have had a “Yes”to my offer of co-driver to Marrakech (which I actually thought was in Spain… turns out it’s in Morocco… best go armed) from a top TV babe. I predict that we will not make it all the way to Arabia – I think we’ll kick back somewhere like Barcelona and have some fun. A friend of mine in the States did one of these rallies and had Paris Hilton as codriver. I’m legally not allowed to say what happened, but let’s just hint that he had a very good “ride” and definitely went “all the way” to Vegas. Speaking of which, I used to hang with Lindsay Lohan back in LA and she is a scream. Hope she gets off her shoplifting charge – we need more like her.

Cooper Out.