Cooper Brown: Portobello Road Market

Tuesday 15 March 2011 11:17

Looked after H-F again today. I decided to go out with him rather than sit around in the Cooperdome. We wandered off down Portobello Road trying to interest ourselves in the hideous tat that people try to sell.

I’ve never understood markets. Now we have stores that sell proper things that people actually want. Surely people selling things in markets are just admitting that they are not good enough to run a store? This is why markets also have food stalls. If I want to eat something, then I’m going to go into a restaurant with a chef whose idea of cuisine is not cooking chicken badly on an upturned barrel.

Finally, there’s the entertainment that markets provide. This is generally to distract you from the shoddiness of stuff on display. It’s also a way to keep ne’er do wells busy and stop them stealing your wallet. On every corner stands a man in rags, normally with a dog attached to a piece of string. This smelly bum will either be juggling hacky-sacks or playing a mouth organ. This is not entertainment – this is what mad people do and if you give them money then it encourages them. I have a friend who believes in “The Barge”.

This is a huge canal barge that could be brought down to Westbourne Park. The police could then “clear”the area of undesirables and they would be dumped on the barge that would then sail off far, far away where they would be dealt with. I should go into politics, I’d do really well. Cooper Out.

Twitter- @icooperbrown

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