Editor-at-Large: To lose a child is agony – and the pain never goes

Janet Street-Porter: ‘My partner and I could not bear to be in the room when his disabled son died’

When I heard the news that David and Samantha Cameron's eldest son had died, it was like a kick in the stomach. It brought back so many memories of a time in my life I still find quite hard to talk about. Years ago I met Frank, a wonderful man who was a film director, much older than me. He was separated from his partner, who spent much of her time in America.

They had a young son, Bunny, who had been born with fluid on his brain (a condition which could have been reversed with a simple operation if it had been identified earlier), and by the time he had surgery, he had already suffered brain damage. He had learning difficulties, little use of one of his arms, and he had a pronounced limp. He found speech very difficult indeed. Both parents devoted all their time to trying to get the best help possible, taking him to America and then spending hours each day stimulating him and exercising his limbs. Frank's moving film about Bunny's story was shown on ITV and received excellent reviews.

When Frank and I got together, I had no idea how to cope with a disabled child, one who was clearly very unsettled by his father having a new partner. My friendship with Bunny progressed painfully slowly: in the beginning he tried to wreck any room we put him in to sleep, preferring to lie in bed with his dad. We had upsetting bouts of head-banging and prolonged silence. Gradually, things improved and he began to trust me more, and we were all very happy when Bunny was accepted at a special boarding school where he would receive intensive tuition. We saw him at weekends, and in the school holidays, and he would spend time with his mother in the summer and at Christmas. Although he had problems reading and writing, he was very musical and could mimic anything he heard on the radio. He was an utter delight and enriched my life.

I say was, because the cruellest thing of all happened – he died. It's the one thing in my life – apart from the death of my sister – which really shakes my faith in God, because Bunny's death came out of the blue and destroyed my husband's life for good. We received a telephone call from his school to say he had a stomach upset, and they were taking him to hospital. When we arrived they said he had to have an exploratory operation for a blockage in his intestine. The next day we were told he had terminal stomach cancer and would die in two weeks.

For a father to lose his son as suddenly as David Cameron has done is absolutely devastating. No matter how many experts told the Camerons that their son's life would be brief, no parent really believes the worst. You always hope that your child will be the exception. That there is a higher power who will take pity on you.

For Bunny to die of a fatal illness when he had spent his 11 years overcoming so many other hurdles seemed utterly unfair. Neither of us could bear to be in the room when he finally died. His mother was there. I wanted to remember the moments when he smiled and sang to us and danced.

After the funeral we went away for a while, and my husband could not bear to be in a room with children for years afterwards. He would break down and weep uncontrollably. The worst thing took place at a drinks party when a well-known female editor said to Frank, "I'm sorry about Bunny, but I suppose it was for the best." I thought he was going to knock her out. The assumption that when a child with disabilities dies, the pain may be easier to bear because somehow they are not "suffering" any more is obscene.

The deep sense of loss caused by death of a child – as Gordon and Sarah Brown also know only too well – is something that never leaves you for your whole life. Frank is dead now, but he never got over the death of Bunny.

Michelle's mystique: First Family risks revealing too much

Michelle Obama has natural style, and it can't be easy deciding what to wear every morning when you know that every frock is going to be the subject of intensive analysis by a nation desperate for a royal family. Sarah Brown just bunged on a beret as she loyally promoted London Fashion Week recently, but Michelle is in a different league. When her husband presented Stevie Wonder with a prestigious award the other night, Michelle wore a bright green silk frock designed by Stevie's wife. The President's wife looked like more like a grinning shamrock than a modern-day Jackie Kennedy, but you can't fault her chutzpah. The only slightly queasy moment came when the Obamas started gushing like a couple of low-rent fans, claiming that Stevie's music had brought them together. Obama said, "The fact we agreed on Stevie was part of the essence of our courtship ... we chose the song 'You and I' as our wedding song." Too much information – if the new President and his wife keep revealing little details about their private time together, they will lose their mystique. We shouldn't know too much about their courtship, and they shouldn't feel they have to tell us.

The BBC can still shine

Lindsay Duncan was magisterial as Maggie Thatcher on television the other night. An electrifying performance, and compulsive viewing, even if we already knew the ending. This BBC drama was of such a high standard it made me forgive everything the Beeb does to annoy, including endless irritating trails for bloody Comic Relief, and yet another plug on Radio 4 for U2 last Friday. Lindsay Duncan (right) looked nothing like Maggie (she's too beautiful) but – and here I differ from Alan Watkins on page 45 – what she conveyed perfectly was the irony of being tougher than the bunch of creeps who surrounded her. They were all second rate, but combined, they would see her off the premises. Unforgettable.

Third-class railway travel

I travel on the East Coast line between London and Yorkshire nearly every week – and now I might have to pack picnics along with my laptop. National Express claims it is operating at a loss, but as the Government will not let it renegotiate its franchise, it is looking at ways of saving money and catering services could face the chop. Its chief executive had the gall to say, "Catering is a big loss maker ... we keep it because it is nice to have and part of the full-service philosophy... it is something we would have to look at." At the moment, rail travellers have been hit by big rises in their fares, huge increases in the cost of parking at stations, waiting rooms that are locked in the evenings and ticket offices that close at the weekends. In short, railways would function so much better if they didn't have to cater for that irritating person – the passenger. Service? That vanished long ago.