Are you lost for words?

'If we had a name for it - if we were able to say "Don't hang that coat up like that or it will get a whatever-it-is" - then people wouldn't do it'

I am pleased to announce the return of our resident language expert, Dr Wordsmith, back to answer more of your queries. He has been taking time out to do some work for the Cocktail Cognomen Board, which sits twice a year to adjudicate on the names of new cocktails submitted to them, and authorise or reject them. As this also involves sampling many of these new cocktails, one can imagine that Dr Wordsmith is in a delicate state, so can we not raise our voices above a whisper, please?

Dear Dr Wordsmith, One of the things I have learnt from you is the invaluable lesson that when a thing has no name, we never mention it. Following on from your cocktail experience, I can give you an interesting example of this. I was once in the island of Bermuda, where I discovered that their favourite, if not national, drink was a mixture of rum and ginger beer called a Dark and Stormy. I have never seen this drink asked for anywhere else in the world. Do you suppose it was because nobody knew what to ask for?

Dr Wordsmith writes: No. I think it was because it sounds disgusting. And the next!

Dear Dr Wordsmith, I can give a better example of a thing with no name than that. When we hang up a coat or jacket or even a jersey, on a hook, we normally hang it on the loop which is put at the back of the neck for that purpose. (Does the loop have a name, by the way?) Now, sooner or later the loop gives way, and we lazily start hanging the garment directly on to the hook. This in its turn starts distorting the shape of the garment and pokes it out so that very soon we have a bulbous dent forming at the top of the back. I am sure we have all seen people walking along with what looked like a little growth between their shoulders, but which was actually a... a... well, what is it called? If we had a name for it – if we were able to say "Don't hang that coat up like that, or it will get a whatever-it-is!" – then people wouldn't do it!

Dr Wordsmith writes: Wanna bet? And the next!

Dear Dr Wordsmith, I have noticed that over the years many a small object – pens, penknives, but mostly money – slips down into the mysterious area surrounding the handbrake in a car. I have spent many a long hour trying to get them back, but they are never retrievable.

So, by the time a car is disposed of, the value of the car is increased by the value of the lost valuables in the car. Is there a name for this added yet invisible value?

Dr Wordsmith writes: I expect car mechanics call it a treasure trove. Next!

Dear Dr Wordsmith, I am thinking of the moment when you lift up a box full of papers or books, or even a carrier bag full of empty bottles, and as soon as you start lifting it off the ground you know as sure as eggs is eggs that the bottom is weak or soggy and is going to fall out of the box or bag, leading to a cascade of books or bottles on to your feet, and there is nothing you can do about it – is there a name for that phenomenon?

Dr Wordsmith writes: How about 'bad luck'? Next!

Dear Dr Wordsmith, I'll tell you something that has often happened to me and has never been described in any book, because there is no name for it. When you go to the bottle bank, and you lift a bottle to put through the hole, and by mistake you do the natural thing of holding it by the neck, but the hole is above your head, so the bottle is suddenly upside down, then any liquid left in the bottle runs back down and you suddenly get a sleeve full of water, or, in my case, stale red wine. That's the anonymous process I am thinking of.

Dr Wordsmith writes: I know the feeling well. Next!

Dear Dr Wordsmith, Is there a word for a pencil which has been sharpened at both ends?

Dr Wordsmith writes: No.

Dear Dr Wordsmith, Is there a word for a customer who enters a butcher's shop after everything has been put away at the end of the day, and asks for half a pound of streaky? Dr Wordsmith writes: Not that I could mention.

Dear Dr Wordsmith, Is there a word for an advice column in which the questions contain all the interest and the expert adds nothing at all to the debate?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Yes. It's called a cushy billet.

Dr Wordsmith will be back again soon. Keep those questions rolling in!