An Ode to 2012

The year that royal diamond turned to Olympic gold

<p>As we come to the end of a year</br>

Which gave us all something to cheer</br>

In Mo, Brad and Jess</br>

We found heroes, no less</br>

Tonight, to them, raise a beer</p>

For a few golden weeks in the sun
We showed the world how to swim, jump and run
Our Olympians soared
The crowds cheered and roared
(But mainly when a Briton had won)

Yes, we felt proud once more of our nation
Lord Coe took a standing ovation
And even Mayor Boris
When not quoting Horace
Kept it up for the entire duration

On the first night, said Danny Boyle
We'll come together, common and royal
That much was clear
From his central idea
Of casting Bond with the Queen as his foil

It was euphoria from the word go
The crowd clapped and cheered home our Mo
But the cost of the seats
Was two hundred sheets
So for most, it was Gary, Clare Balding and co

Her Maj had warmed up for her role
With a Jubilee concert quite droll
She thought very highly
Of Gary and Kylie
And was delighted to meet Cheryl Cole

This was indeed a time for The Queen
To make sure she was heard and seen
Sixty years, quite a feat
All those people to meet
She'll need a rest in Twenty-thirteen

Long may she reign was the refrain
As she sailed the Thames in the rain
It could drive one insane
Hearing Macca again
But not once did you hear her complain

Meanwhile, a princess brought tidings of joy
But was it to be a girl or a boy?
Are twins on the way?
Wayne and Chardonnay?
In this matter, Kate was understandably coy

But all this was a glorious distraction
From a time of economic contraction
In the States, they're scared stiff
Of the dread fiscal cliff
While in Europe austerity gained real traction

In Athens there was civil unrest
We're in trouble, the Italians confessed
From Ireland to Spain
One thing was made plain
The fact that the Germans know best

In Britain, we know who to blame
George Osborne, isn't that his name?
While the right pays homage
To Nigel Farage
Who's having his five minutes of fame

On one thing, we all could agree
This year diminished the BBC
There were lies, obfuscation
And a damaged reputation
No wonder they sacked the DG

Two-zero-twelve was the year of our Lord
That's Leveson who just jawed and jawed
About self-regulation
And then defamation
To the point where we all got quite bored

The celebs were given their day
And the editors went out of their way
To show some remorse
We'll change, of course
No longer the coppers we'll pay

The PM took the stand as well
But it turned into a day from Hell
You're aware how it looks
When you sign off to Brooks
Yours Dave, kiss, kiss, kiss, L.O.L

Over Leveson the Coalition divided
With the papers, the PM now sided
But with egg on his face
And Clegg on his case
The year ended with nothing decided

The Met's reputation, too, turned to dust
When they told us a minister had cussed
Plebs was the word
We definitely heard
But it was their word we just couldn't trust

For America the truth may be dawning
About guns: Do they need any more warning?
But the debate was distorted
Get Piers Morgan deported!
They screamed, with a nation still deep in mourning

In democracy's great panorama
The year's big election lacked drama
Giving the people a voice
Meant only one choice
That's James Arthur, not Barack Obama

In football, we were so very excited
And much of the country delighted
With passions inflamed
The title was claimed
And not by Manchester United

It was also the year of the tweet
When millions more got with the beat
But handle with care
Don't defame, don't swear,
Or if you do, like Sally Bercow, press delete

Twitter is now the news of the world
Where so many thoughts are unfurled
From Dame Judi Dench
To Louise Mensch
Who found out it's where insults are hurled

At the end of the day, as they say
This has not been a year to make hay
The economy's stalling
The rain keeps on falling
And you still can't wed if you're gay

But it all could have turned out much worse
For the Mayans gave a warning quite terse
Of impending doom
But the world didn't go "Boom!"
So the year ends not with a bang, but a verse