Middle Class Problems: Festive sandwiches are more calorific than many people’s Christmas lunches

James Mallard will need to exercise until next December to make up for it all

(Corbis)

Whoever thought having a Christmas lunch on each and every weekday in December would be a good idea? Probably the same person who thinks we want to hear “Stop the Cavalry” every time we enter a shop.

Instead of spreading seasonal joy throughout November and December, the supermarkets and sandwich-shop chains merely ensure we’re sick of the taste of turkey by the big day.

You feel you should try all their seasonal offerings, of course, because if you’re not the organised sort who owns a compartmentalised lunchbox, you rather come to rely on said supermarkets and sandwich shops, and any new combination of bread and fillings, at any time of year, is gratefully received.

But, I ask you… In my house, come Boxing Day, a Christmas sandwich contains no more than turkey, stuffing and mayo, and is still my favourite thing about the festive season. But to the chefs and their helper elves in the secret lab beneath M&S corporate HQ, a Christmas sandwich pack also involves salmon, grapes, beef, horseradish and a range of cheeses. At Waitrose, cranberries, spinach and port and orange chutney muscle in. Or you can just get a three-bird wrap, good taste and moderation be damned.

With all those trimmings, these sarnies are more calorific than many people’s actual Christmas lunches. Or two Starbucks festive eggnog lattes. I’d need to exercise until next December to make up for it all, and the only festive thing about having my gluttony so indulged is that my novelty Santa costume is starting to fit better.