Middle Class Problems: The dinner party long goodbye

Recipes, baby photos, coffee ... I should have slipped off quietly at 10

(Corbis)

What a fantastic evening! That thing with the lamb and the pomegranate seeds, I don't know how you did it. Might you forward me the recipe? No, really, you don't have to go and get it. Tomorrow will be fine. Or, now. Now is great too.

It is a shame that I'm heading off, isn't it? But the baby gets us up at 5.30 these days, so… oh. My goodness. He didn't, did he? And what did she say? And she put it there? Yes, I would like to see the photos. But not now. I'll look at them on Facebook! Yes, I can see why she wouldn't want them on Facebook. Go on, then, quickly, just before I go. As soon as you've found the lead to your laptop. Wherever that is.

No coffee for me, thanks, not even an espresso, I'm on my way out. Please, don't get up. I should have slipped off quietly at 10. You guys stay! You don't have to come with us. I mean, share a cab if you'd like… we're basically going in pretty much the right direction. North, south, it's all the same, really.

Look, sorry. I know I said I was going, but when am I going to see you again? Maybe it's just the wine, maybe I'm tired, but I'm going to miss this. It's so hard, getting everyone together. And it's been so lovely. Perhaps I'll stay for one more glass.

Here, let me help you with that washing up. It's funny, isn't it, how you can be so exhausted one minute and so bright and alert the next.

Now you're the one who's yawning! And cleaning your teeth. And… ah. I see. Until next time, then.

Bye.