Alison Taylor on relationships: Is it good to receive a lemon or an aubergine via a text message?

It started with a lemon. Then I got aubergines, from two different sources. And a blue heart. I'd been emojied. The problem is my texting mojo has taken a hit in the process. I just don't quite get the lingo. I'm having flashbacks to the time I got an email from a man I was seeing containing the phrase 'make it rain' – I had to look that one up on Urban Dictionary.

When the lemon came through, it was a citrus-fruit spanner in the textual works. I love texting. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's one of my favourite things to do. I'm good at it – yes, and happy to admit it. I pride myself on a quick-witted SMS and I enjoy sparring, back and forth, with witty friends and potential boyfriends. I relish that feeling when you receive a text that is perfect in its execution. When you totally match up in humour, tone and Outlook On Life.

So when you start having to ask what the colourful little pictures mean, it kind of kills the moment. Plus, you come off looking a bit grandma. Turns out the lemon meant juicy... I hadn't dared to ask what the bum-cheeks symbol meant that came a few messages earlier. I'm glad, too, because it turned out to be a tongue when I did dare ask my work colleague the next day. (LOL.)

Because I was really keen to get some sense on the matter, I texted my ex-boyfriend for his opinion (I can't help myself when it comes to his messages, either). Would he ever use emojis? "A million per cent, no. They are a crutch for wankers. I'm not going to speak in bananas and chimps." He then went on to list a number of emojis that he would be on board with if only they existed, which I can't list here for legal reasons. "It's about being lifestyle-appropriate, something that means something to the sender." He's right, you know.

Which is how I find myself off my nut on dopamine (texting is all about the moods) when my new-and-exciting girl pal sends me an emoji of two girls holding hands with explosions on either side of the girls. Aw, that's us – really hitting it off! It's cute! Almost as cute as the aubergine sent by one of my male friends alongside a clenched hand and droplets of water (?). I'll let you access your inner Catchphrase to decipher the meaning there. "That one's quite good," said the ex when I couldn't resist but send it on. Maybe he's a convert now, too.