Catherine Townsend: Sleeping Around

Why I have sex with my friends

But all of my male friendships fall into one of two categories: those who have got into my knickers already and those who are still trying. Things are easier with the former, because there is no danger that years of simmering sexual tension will suddenly be brought to the surface. We have already been there, done that and got the T-shirt.

The latter are much trickier to manage, as an informal straw poll of several casual male acquaintances recently revealed. But aren't they worried about compromising our friendship? "Guys don't analyse the situation that way, especially when they have a shot at sex," one helpfully pointed out. Another actually called a cab firm before I gently reminded him that this was a purely theoretical question.

When I lived in Manhattan, people were always asking me if I was going to marry my best male friend, Charlie. Since we met five years ago, we've been through the good (celebrating my first feature story in a national magazine with champagne), the bad (holding my hair over the loo later that same evening after one too many toasts) and the ugly (that time I asked the stylist for layers and ended up with a mullet). We have amazing personal chemistry, so it's no surprise that one night, after loads of lethal margaritas at a kitsch Mexican restaurant, we ended up in bed together. I knew it felt wrong, even before I woke up in the morning with an ice pack on my head and a sombrero at my feet.

Which is why, after reading about Jemima Khan's jealousy over the alleged Hugh Grant/ Liz Hurley finger-sucking scenario, I wondered why she felt threatened. Personally, I would be much more worried about the beautiful stranger who my boyfriend may happen to meet in a bar - or the "female friend" whom he never introduces.

Shortly after I met my friend Victoria for the first time, she set me up with her ex-boyfriend Marc, who is now her best friend. During our relationship, they spoke on the phone several times a day, were very tactile and occasionally crashed at each other's houses. Far from being threatened, I thought Marc's devotion to his female friends made him a more thoughtful and considerate boyfriend.

I realise that the presence of Charlie in my life may deter some guys, but to be honest it's probably best that I'm not dating them anyway, since I'd never allow someone's insecurity to dictate my friends. A former boyfriend learnt this the hard way when he flew into a rage after I had been out dancing with Charlie. So he showed up at my flat and said: "It's a simple choice. Him or me."

He was right about the simple bit. Half an hour later, Charlie and I were in a Japanese karaoke bar doing a duet of Copacabana. I've never looked back.

c.townsend@independent.co.uk