Charles Nevin: The Third Leader

Life is one long crisis

Clearly, then, although I note that 75 per cent of you don't like to show your feelings, you are looking for help and some shrewd advice from someone older and more experienced, someone who has not only been round the block but also covered the waterfront, climbed the ladder, knocked on the doors, ticked the boxes, hit the heights and played hardball on many a playing field, often going the extra mile, depending how level it was.

Sadly, though, the Editor is busy and has told me to do it. So, what can I tell you? Oh, I had my dreams, yes. Once, I too aspired: once, I dared to dream of writing the Second Leader; even, headily, the First Leader. But now I know that this will never be, that my role is not to coruscate magisterially or counsel sagely, but to convey a little consolation, and, with luck, the occasional slight, wry smile, into your worry-racked lives.

Am I happy? Absolutely, apart from the mortgage, the memory, the worrying pain in the chest, the credit card bill, the inability to sit down without sighing, tax, run out of milk, pain in chest getting worse, better check life insurance, if only could find documents, there goes the coffee cup, is that really the time? Am I worried? Absolutely not. At least you know where you are with an All Life Crisis. It's the 25 per cent not worrying who should be.